On the day you joined us there was joy and terror.
I was too scared to scream.
I was too upset to cry.
I was too relieved to think.
Someday I'll be able to tell you that it matters that you were born safe and healthy
And it also matters that it didn't go as planned
And that I was scared out of my mind.
Someday I'll tell you how I grieve that I was asleep and didn't see you until you were clean and wrapped and had sat with Abba by my bed for hours.
Some day
I'll also tell you that when I gave you milk I felt that you were truly born at last
That I finally felt you mine.
Some time
I'll have the courage to tell you
I had pain and horror
But
You were the best medicine there was.
Someday you'll be old enough to understand why I won't read you On the Day You Were Born
But I'll read Love You Forever
And I'll mean it.
I'm still sorry for both of us
Your poor little body suffered too
I'll always regret that.
The day you joined us was among the most terrifying
Scariest
Hardest things I've ever done
But I'd do it again to have you here.
I would die for you but that's not what you need.
Living is harder
But I'll do that too.
And some day I'll hold you
And tell you your story
And I hope I'll be able to help you understand
Though I never want you to have to live through it
No matter what it was worth it.
Showing posts with label Deep thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Deep thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, September 07, 2015
Monday, November 21, 2011
In Gratitude and Rememberance
Eleven months.
Today marks 11 months since Becky joined and left our family at the same instant, without a breath or a cry.
It's almost a year. It's been a long 11 months. It's been a HARD 11 months. But in that time, I have seen some of the purpose in Becky's life being so short; I have learned a lot from her.
It's the time of year for Christmas music. Last year Annie Lennox released a new Christmas album. Becky LOVED it. It was her very favorite thing to listen to (though she also liked Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog, and the Wiggles, this was the number one dance album for her.) This was one of her favorite songs on the album. It's a cool video too, so I'd like to share it with you as I remember her.
Becky left me with a lot of happy memories of the time I had with her, even if it was all in-utero (well, at least most of it. I know she has been with me since then too, but... in different ways.)
She also saved my life, and possibly her sisters'. You see, if I had never been pregnant with her, or had miscarried early on, we would still have been driving our Corolla when we were in our crash. And if she had lived, she would have been in the second row, and me in front on that trip. As it was, we all survived with minor injuries (well, except Maggie, who was completely uninjured becasue she was rear-facing and was protected by that.)
I believe so strongly that she knew what had to happen, and that she made this choice. The only time we could have known exactly what was wrong was during our follow-up high-level ultrasound with Dr. Devore. She was active before and after the ultrasound. During, she took a nap. The knot in her cord was behind her. They poked and prodded and tried to get her to move so they could see the back of the cord, but she just wouldn't. She just didn't move. In the end, they concluded that something was "off" a bit with the cord flow, but since she was growing (she'd jumped from the 15th to the 60th percentile), they were thinking it was okay. If she had moved away, if they had seen the knot behind her, she would have been born by scheduled c-section or emergency c-section if I went into labor. I'd have been upset by that, sure, but I'd have had time to come to terms with it and she would have almost certainly been born healthy. But because of her choice, her actions- it didn't happen that way. And so, because she stayed still when she needed to and did that flip that tightened the knot when she had to, she died just as she was born, and saved me.
Why would she do this? I can only guess that it's because it was necessary for me to stay here. I have work to do. Part of that work is advocating for child passenger safety. I'm a Child Passenger Safety Technician, and have been for about two and a half years now; I'm also currently on the board of Safety Belt Safe USA, an organization which provides education for techs and parents as well as advocating on the state and federal level for improvements in standards, laws, and policies regarding child passenger safety and occupant protection, and advocating for proper use in the media.
I have felt called to this work since I kind of "fell into" it. I have felt like I've found the work I'm meant to do, at least in part. And I feel that Becky's sacrifice for us was in part so that I can continue it- so that, through continued advocacy, spreading the lessons our crash story can teach, and the work I can do to help Safety Belt Safe in their mission, other mamas' babies will be saved.
So in that spirit I'd like to ask three things of you in the next month if you are reading this and care to, to commemorate Becky's life and help me express my gratitude for her gift to us of how she joined our family. They are:
1. Please make sure the children in your care, or those you care for who are in the care of those you can reach with this message (family, friends) are riding as safely as possible in the car. (Let me know if you need information on what that means or how to accomplish it!)
2. Please share my crash story in the link above (there's a brochure ready to print) with at least one person who has a child 12 or under riding in his or her car on a regular basis. This can be via Facebook, email, or by printing out the brochure and handing it to someone.
3. I know budgets are tight, especially this time of year, so this one's the hard one to ask for. If you have a few dollars to spare, even $1, and would like to make a donation in Becky's memory, please consider making a (tax-deductible) donation to Safety Belt Safe. If you go to their website there is a button that says "Make a Donation." Click and a button will pop up. Enter the amount you wish to donate and click "Update Total." Then log in to your paypal account. On the next page, click the button that says "add additional instructions." If you'd like to make your donation in honor of Becky, please write "In memory of " (or "in honor of") "Becky Hamilton." These donations, as a group, will be acknowledged and a little blurb placed in her honor in the January issue of the Safety Belt Safe newsletter. You can also make a donation by check or money order by sending to
SafetyBeltSafe U.S.A., Box 553, Altadena, CA 91003 with a note stating that it is in honor of Becky.
Whether you do any of these things or not, I appreciate your love and support. It would mean a lot to me if you are willing to do any or all of these things for me in memory of Becky, though. Thank you for your friendship.
Today marks 11 months since Becky joined and left our family at the same instant, without a breath or a cry.
It's almost a year. It's been a long 11 months. It's been a HARD 11 months. But in that time, I have seen some of the purpose in Becky's life being so short; I have learned a lot from her.
It's the time of year for Christmas music. Last year Annie Lennox released a new Christmas album. Becky LOVED it. It was her very favorite thing to listen to (though she also liked Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog, and the Wiggles, this was the number one dance album for her.) This was one of her favorite songs on the album. It's a cool video too, so I'd like to share it with you as I remember her.
Becky left me with a lot of happy memories of the time I had with her, even if it was all in-utero (well, at least most of it. I know she has been with me since then too, but... in different ways.)
She also saved my life, and possibly her sisters'. You see, if I had never been pregnant with her, or had miscarried early on, we would still have been driving our Corolla when we were in our crash. And if she had lived, she would have been in the second row, and me in front on that trip. As it was, we all survived with minor injuries (well, except Maggie, who was completely uninjured becasue she was rear-facing and was protected by that.)
I believe so strongly that she knew what had to happen, and that she made this choice. The only time we could have known exactly what was wrong was during our follow-up high-level ultrasound with Dr. Devore. She was active before and after the ultrasound. During, she took a nap. The knot in her cord was behind her. They poked and prodded and tried to get her to move so they could see the back of the cord, but she just wouldn't. She just didn't move. In the end, they concluded that something was "off" a bit with the cord flow, but since she was growing (she'd jumped from the 15th to the 60th percentile), they were thinking it was okay. If she had moved away, if they had seen the knot behind her, she would have been born by scheduled c-section or emergency c-section if I went into labor. I'd have been upset by that, sure, but I'd have had time to come to terms with it and she would have almost certainly been born healthy. But because of her choice, her actions- it didn't happen that way. And so, because she stayed still when she needed to and did that flip that tightened the knot when she had to, she died just as she was born, and saved me.
Why would she do this? I can only guess that it's because it was necessary for me to stay here. I have work to do. Part of that work is advocating for child passenger safety. I'm a Child Passenger Safety Technician, and have been for about two and a half years now; I'm also currently on the board of Safety Belt Safe USA, an organization which provides education for techs and parents as well as advocating on the state and federal level for improvements in standards, laws, and policies regarding child passenger safety and occupant protection, and advocating for proper use in the media.
I have felt called to this work since I kind of "fell into" it. I have felt like I've found the work I'm meant to do, at least in part. And I feel that Becky's sacrifice for us was in part so that I can continue it- so that, through continued advocacy, spreading the lessons our crash story can teach, and the work I can do to help Safety Belt Safe in their mission, other mamas' babies will be saved.
So in that spirit I'd like to ask three things of you in the next month if you are reading this and care to, to commemorate Becky's life and help me express my gratitude for her gift to us of how she joined our family. They are:
1. Please make sure the children in your care, or those you care for who are in the care of those you can reach with this message (family, friends) are riding as safely as possible in the car. (Let me know if you need information on what that means or how to accomplish it!)
2. Please share my crash story in the link above (there's a brochure ready to print) with at least one person who has a child 12 or under riding in his or her car on a regular basis. This can be via Facebook, email, or by printing out the brochure and handing it to someone.
3. I know budgets are tight, especially this time of year, so this one's the hard one to ask for. If you have a few dollars to spare, even $1, and would like to make a donation in Becky's memory, please consider making a (tax-deductible) donation to Safety Belt Safe. If you go to their website there is a button that says "Make a Donation." Click and a button will pop up. Enter the amount you wish to donate and click "Update Total." Then log in to your paypal account. On the next page, click the button that says "add additional instructions." If you'd like to make your donation in honor of Becky, please write "In memory of " (or "in honor of") "Becky Hamilton." These donations, as a group, will be acknowledged and a little blurb placed in her honor in the January issue of the Safety Belt Safe newsletter. You can also make a donation by check or money order by sending to
SafetyBeltSafe U.S.A., Box 553, Altadena, CA 91003 with a note stating that it is in honor of Becky.
Whether you do any of these things or not, I appreciate your love and support. It would mean a lot to me if you are willing to do any or all of these things for me in memory of Becky, though. Thank you for your friendship.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Counting Blessings
I'm feeling blessed tonight. So, I'm counting my blessings.
Jeff, who is being pretty incredible lately (not that he isn't always.) Three girls with me to make me laugh and smile. Becky looking out for us as she waits for us to join her.
A big comfortable house to live in. Enough food to thrive on. A fairly healthy body that should be able to safely bring more babies to our family to bless us. A doctor who supports that desire and will help me do that the way I want to.
A family that doesn't judge or chastise but just lovingly supports even when I'm not at my best. Friends who love me for who I am and give of themselves in ways I'd never ask.
Faith that even though I'm not good enough, that gap between the self I am and the self I can be will be bridged by grace, and my efforts will be helped. Love, lots of love. Divine love, familial love, true, deep love from Jeff, love of friends.
Opportunities to make a difference, to help change things for the better for others. Wonderful discussions with others who share the same work.
A brain capable of learning and deciding to do things better every day. A mouth capable of talking to teach and share with others. Eyes that can see beauty all around me. Ears to hear music, music that can touch me.
Life. I love life. Faith to not fear death. Peace in my heart knowing that those I love who pass out of life are safe.
So much I can't even write it all. Love, love, love, at the center of it all.
Jeff, who is being pretty incredible lately (not that he isn't always.) Three girls with me to make me laugh and smile. Becky looking out for us as she waits for us to join her.
A big comfortable house to live in. Enough food to thrive on. A fairly healthy body that should be able to safely bring more babies to our family to bless us. A doctor who supports that desire and will help me do that the way I want to.
A family that doesn't judge or chastise but just lovingly supports even when I'm not at my best. Friends who love me for who I am and give of themselves in ways I'd never ask.
Faith that even though I'm not good enough, that gap between the self I am and the self I can be will be bridged by grace, and my efforts will be helped. Love, lots of love. Divine love, familial love, true, deep love from Jeff, love of friends.
Opportunities to make a difference, to help change things for the better for others. Wonderful discussions with others who share the same work.
A brain capable of learning and deciding to do things better every day. A mouth capable of talking to teach and share with others. Eyes that can see beauty all around me. Ears to hear music, music that can touch me.
Life. I love life. Faith to not fear death. Peace in my heart knowing that those I love who pass out of life are safe.
So much I can't even write it all. Love, love, love, at the center of it all.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Why am I writing this?
I honestly don't know.
I felt like I should write on my blog tonight. (It's been more than a month... again. Maybe I'm guilting myself, lol.)
Life goes on. We've had hot weather and icky colds. I went through a week of horrible side effects as I took the first step down on my dose of antidepressant (it turns out the one I'm on- which worked wonders for me when I needed it- is one of the absolute worst drugs to get off of. Horrible withdrawl.) I had such a bad migraine Thursday that my sister and mom took the kids for a few hours so I could try to sleep it off.
The week before that, we went to the beach with "Grandma Sheri." I stayed on the pier... I hate the beach. The kids loved it, until it was time to clean the sand off-- ick! And then they of course didn't want to go home, but we rode the Beach Bus and, well, didn't want to have to walk! ;)
Two weeks before that was our adventure in Hawaii. I feel like that should have its own post... but it probably won't! My album of Hawaii pics on Facebook is kind of a photojournal though if you're interested. I was really glad to get to spend a few days getting to know Mike, my friend Yvette's beloved, for a few days. He's really, really, really great. He reminds me of Jeff- can there be higher praise for a man? ;)
Overall, right now, my life feels... strange to me sometimes, but mostly good. I find it funny how after going through such a low place when we lost our Becky, I seem to have come out higher than I started. I feel better about myself. I feel better about my other kids. I feel better about being alive. I don't even know what to call that... it's just where I am. I almost feel like I should feel guilty for feeling that I am blessed by losing my daughter. But I'm not... I'm just blessed. I know that she loves me and that she knows I love her. I think I'm beginning to feel like she's here to bless my life- just away right now. And it will be a while til I see her but I know that's ok, she's in good hands...
It's hard to be reminded of her when it's not on my terms, though, still. I like to look at her pictures, sing songs she liked, touch what I've kept of her little clothes and the things that were lovingly made for her. But then they went and named a hurricane her middle name, the name I gave her because it symbolized such joy for me... Let's just say I'm not reading the news much right now.
It's so crazy to think that Bridget is a "kindergartener" this year. (She's 5... So she's not officially on the school paperwork, but she'll probably be learning to read some time in the next 9 months or so.) Maggie doesn't look at all like a baby any more. She definitely looks toddlerish. And Emma comes up with things that... Well, they remind me of me at her age, only deeper. 'Nuff said. :p
I still don't have the energy I want to. (Cannot WAIT to get off the BCP- found out when I took a week off in HI that it's causing a lot of this energy lag, etc.) My house is not clean (and, uh, probably never will be. :/ ) I'm not doing as much cooking as I should. But, I think I like our life, even as I think what it could have been... I like it. It's a good life. It's the best one we can make right now and so... it's good.
I don't really know what else to write. I think I'm out of things to say. Now THAT is an unusual occurrence!
I felt like I should write on my blog tonight. (It's been more than a month... again. Maybe I'm guilting myself, lol.)
Life goes on. We've had hot weather and icky colds. I went through a week of horrible side effects as I took the first step down on my dose of antidepressant (it turns out the one I'm on- which worked wonders for me when I needed it- is one of the absolute worst drugs to get off of. Horrible withdrawl.) I had such a bad migraine Thursday that my sister and mom took the kids for a few hours so I could try to sleep it off.
The week before that, we went to the beach with "Grandma Sheri." I stayed on the pier... I hate the beach. The kids loved it, until it was time to clean the sand off-- ick! And then they of course didn't want to go home, but we rode the Beach Bus and, well, didn't want to have to walk! ;)
Two weeks before that was our adventure in Hawaii. I feel like that should have its own post... but it probably won't! My album of Hawaii pics on Facebook is kind of a photojournal though if you're interested. I was really glad to get to spend a few days getting to know Mike, my friend Yvette's beloved, for a few days. He's really, really, really great. He reminds me of Jeff- can there be higher praise for a man? ;)
Overall, right now, my life feels... strange to me sometimes, but mostly good. I find it funny how after going through such a low place when we lost our Becky, I seem to have come out higher than I started. I feel better about myself. I feel better about my other kids. I feel better about being alive. I don't even know what to call that... it's just where I am. I almost feel like I should feel guilty for feeling that I am blessed by losing my daughter. But I'm not... I'm just blessed. I know that she loves me and that she knows I love her. I think I'm beginning to feel like she's here to bless my life- just away right now. And it will be a while til I see her but I know that's ok, she's in good hands...
It's hard to be reminded of her when it's not on my terms, though, still. I like to look at her pictures, sing songs she liked, touch what I've kept of her little clothes and the things that were lovingly made for her. But then they went and named a hurricane her middle name, the name I gave her because it symbolized such joy for me... Let's just say I'm not reading the news much right now.
It's so crazy to think that Bridget is a "kindergartener" this year. (She's 5... So she's not officially on the school paperwork, but she'll probably be learning to read some time in the next 9 months or so.) Maggie doesn't look at all like a baby any more. She definitely looks toddlerish. And Emma comes up with things that... Well, they remind me of me at her age, only deeper. 'Nuff said. :p
I still don't have the energy I want to. (Cannot WAIT to get off the BCP- found out when I took a week off in HI that it's causing a lot of this energy lag, etc.) My house is not clean (and, uh, probably never will be. :/ ) I'm not doing as much cooking as I should. But, I think I like our life, even as I think what it could have been... I like it. It's a good life. It's the best one we can make right now and so... it's good.
I don't really know what else to write. I think I'm out of things to say. Now THAT is an unusual occurrence!
Monday, July 18, 2011
I sometimes wonder how I ended up so strange.
Not that strange is necessarily bad. I just... wonder sometimes. Is it mostly genetic? Is it mostly because of the family I was raised in? (I know that's a big chunk of it, but how much?) Is some of it just who I am?
My kids were each born, very obviously, with their own personalities. But they also have genetic traits, for sure. And then there are the things I work hard to foster in them. It's so funny to see how each little baby is such a different personality, and such a different person in terms of needs, likes, dislikes, wants. I think about Becky now and then and wonder what she would like and dislike. She'd be old enough to be grabbing for foods now. She'd be sitting up, smiling, laughing. Crawling around and getting into things... But what would be her favorite games? Foods? Ah, well. I know, no matter what, she knows I love her.
Sometimes we get to do the things we're really interested in, the things we love, the things we're good at. I'm excited for Pioneer Day; this weekend is the stake picnic, and I'll get to not only dress up (yaaaay! I love to dress up!) but also sing with my dad. The stake asked for musical entertainment, so we'll be giving them a (very) brief survey of popular music of the mid to late 19th century, things the pioneers would have known and sung. We'll be doing Aura Lee (one of the love ballads that was so popular), The Campbells are Coming (part of the Scottish cultural revival that also touched the US people), Gentle Annie (a Stephen Foster great, of course he was probably the great songwriter of the era, if one were to choose), and Bringing in the Sheaves (a popular gospel-song type hymn.) This is something I adore. A chance to sing period music, with my dad, in costume? You can bet I jumped on that...
Then, the week after that, we're going to Hawaii. By "we," I mean me, and the girls. Jeff is staying home and boy is he excited to get a little time to himself... But the funny thing is, I have no desire to go to Hawaii, per se. I'm excited to go to my friend's wedding (which is why we're going), and you can bet I will be taking advantage of historical and cultural opportunities while we're there, but I abhor sand, have a fear of volcanoes, and a huge phobia of flying over water. What am I most excited about during the trip, other than my friend's wedding? (Oh, and meeting her? That's right, we've known each other 10 years online and never met in person... did I mention that? :p ) The child restraints... I get to use some neat ones. Ride Safer Travel Vests for Bridget and Maggie BubbleBum booster for Emma, and a borrowed CARES harness for Maggie on the planes... Yes, this is the part I'm most excited about.
But really, it's not a bad thing that I'm passionate about safety, even excited about it. It's not bad that I love history. Or that I love singing. That I love old music which was for the most part (ok, let's not mention the bawdy Irish songs and military and drinking ballads :p) were much less filled with cussing and abuse of women and blatant nastiness and sexuality than the music of today. That I love sharing these loves with others. No, not a bad thing. Just makes you wonder sometimes how it all happens. How it all starts. It's one of the most fascinating topics to think about for me. But I know no matter what, I will be proud of the cool things my girls end up interested in, and how great they are at learning about/doing them, whatever they may be. And I'm sure as I daydream into the future, I can't guess what even a portion of those interests will be some day- but I know, because I know my girls, I'll be happy with them.
My kids were each born, very obviously, with their own personalities. But they also have genetic traits, for sure. And then there are the things I work hard to foster in them. It's so funny to see how each little baby is such a different personality, and such a different person in terms of needs, likes, dislikes, wants. I think about Becky now and then and wonder what she would like and dislike. She'd be old enough to be grabbing for foods now. She'd be sitting up, smiling, laughing. Crawling around and getting into things... But what would be her favorite games? Foods? Ah, well. I know, no matter what, she knows I love her.
Sometimes we get to do the things we're really interested in, the things we love, the things we're good at. I'm excited for Pioneer Day; this weekend is the stake picnic, and I'll get to not only dress up (yaaaay! I love to dress up!) but also sing with my dad. The stake asked for musical entertainment, so we'll be giving them a (very) brief survey of popular music of the mid to late 19th century, things the pioneers would have known and sung. We'll be doing Aura Lee (one of the love ballads that was so popular), The Campbells are Coming (part of the Scottish cultural revival that also touched the US people), Gentle Annie (a Stephen Foster great, of course he was probably the great songwriter of the era, if one were to choose), and Bringing in the Sheaves (a popular gospel-song type hymn.) This is something I adore. A chance to sing period music, with my dad, in costume? You can bet I jumped on that...
Then, the week after that, we're going to Hawaii. By "we," I mean me, and the girls. Jeff is staying home and boy is he excited to get a little time to himself... But the funny thing is, I have no desire to go to Hawaii, per se. I'm excited to go to my friend's wedding (which is why we're going), and you can bet I will be taking advantage of historical and cultural opportunities while we're there, but I abhor sand, have a fear of volcanoes, and a huge phobia of flying over water. What am I most excited about during the trip, other than my friend's wedding? (Oh, and meeting her? That's right, we've known each other 10 years online and never met in person... did I mention that? :p ) The child restraints... I get to use some neat ones. Ride Safer Travel Vests for Bridget and Maggie BubbleBum booster for Emma, and a borrowed CARES harness for Maggie on the planes... Yes, this is the part I'm most excited about.
But really, it's not a bad thing that I'm passionate about safety, even excited about it. It's not bad that I love history. Or that I love singing. That I love old music which was for the most part (ok, let's not mention the bawdy Irish songs and military and drinking ballads :p) were much less filled with cussing and abuse of women and blatant nastiness and sexuality than the music of today. That I love sharing these loves with others. No, not a bad thing. Just makes you wonder sometimes how it all happens. How it all starts. It's one of the most fascinating topics to think about for me. But I know no matter what, I will be proud of the cool things my girls end up interested in, and how great they are at learning about/doing them, whatever they may be. And I'm sure as I daydream into the future, I can't guess what even a portion of those interests will be some day- but I know, because I know my girls, I'll be happy with them.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Being Part of Something Big
I meant to post yesterday about the plight of Habiba and Alma as we staged our own little demonstration at the park yesterday. Thankfully, this morning we found out they were reunited! But I'd still like to write about what we did yesterday.
Yesterday, the kids and I "marched" to the park, set up a sign, and sat for an hour and a half singing lullabies and handing out flyers in a peaceful demonstration on behalf of Habiba and Alma (the flyers asked people to contact the Spanish Consulate in L.A. and tell them that we wanted them reunited.) We scheduled it at 2 PM, the time set for demonstrations/lullaby sings all over the world yesterday. We passed out 6 flyers; not, you might think, that big of a contribution. But that wasn't the important part to me. The important part, for me, was teaching my kids that this is what we do. When we see injustice, we stand up for people in trouble. We organize. We protest.
On the way to the park, we had a great talk about the American civil rights movement. We talked about Martin Luther King, Jr. We talked about Ghandi. I mentioned Cesar Chavez too, I think. And we talked about the meaning of "non-violent demonstration" and why non-violence. We talked about what Jesus taught us about how to treat people who hurt us. We talked about doing what is right no matter the consequences to yourself. And we talked about why we would be singing that day.
This was a lesson for my children that we put our actions where our words and our hearts are. We stand up for those who are treated unfairly. We are part of something bigger- we are part of a city, a state, a nation, but also part of a world full of human beings just like us, and all of them deserve to be treated fairly, and to have their basic rights respected. When there is a wrong to one human being it is a wrong to all of humanity, and we must stand up and say "this is wrong." Not hurting anyone by doing so, but peacefully saying "We will not stand for this."
That is what I learned when I asked my dad what we could do when we heard the news of the massacre at Tiananmen Square on NPR when I was 6, and he said we could go join a peaceful demonstration. That is what I learned as we stood outside the Chinese Consulate that weekend with a crowd of other people who also would not stand for that wrong. That is what I learned as my 3 year old brother and I sang with the crowd "We Shall Overcome" that day. And that is what I hoped to teach my children as we sang "We Shall Overcome" along with many, many lullabies yesterday.
In the words of the song,
We are not alone,
We are not alone,
We are not alone today!
Oh, deep in my heart,
I do believe that
We shall overcome some day.
We were not alone, we are part of a global community that protested this wrong and celebrates the reunion and, hopefully, will continue to fight injustice together. I do believe that if we can keep on this path, individual humans uniting into a larger force of peaceful strength for other individual humans who are wronged, some day we can overcome injustice. Some day, we shall overcome the wrongs of the world, and it is through peace, not violence, that will happen. The lesson I learned as a child is the lesson I hope to teach my own children- change comes through working together and non-violence, hurting others is not the way to enact change. I pray that I can help them learn that. I think that yesterday was a good start.
Yesterday, the kids and I "marched" to the park, set up a sign, and sat for an hour and a half singing lullabies and handing out flyers in a peaceful demonstration on behalf of Habiba and Alma (the flyers asked people to contact the Spanish Consulate in L.A. and tell them that we wanted them reunited.) We scheduled it at 2 PM, the time set for demonstrations/lullaby sings all over the world yesterday. We passed out 6 flyers; not, you might think, that big of a contribution. But that wasn't the important part to me. The important part, for me, was teaching my kids that this is what we do. When we see injustice, we stand up for people in trouble. We organize. We protest.
On the way to the park, we had a great talk about the American civil rights movement. We talked about Martin Luther King, Jr. We talked about Ghandi. I mentioned Cesar Chavez too, I think. And we talked about the meaning of "non-violent demonstration" and why non-violence. We talked about what Jesus taught us about how to treat people who hurt us. We talked about doing what is right no matter the consequences to yourself. And we talked about why we would be singing that day.
This was a lesson for my children that we put our actions where our words and our hearts are. We stand up for those who are treated unfairly. We are part of something bigger- we are part of a city, a state, a nation, but also part of a world full of human beings just like us, and all of them deserve to be treated fairly, and to have their basic rights respected. When there is a wrong to one human being it is a wrong to all of humanity, and we must stand up and say "this is wrong." Not hurting anyone by doing so, but peacefully saying "We will not stand for this."
That is what I learned when I asked my dad what we could do when we heard the news of the massacre at Tiananmen Square on NPR when I was 6, and he said we could go join a peaceful demonstration. That is what I learned as we stood outside the Chinese Consulate that weekend with a crowd of other people who also would not stand for that wrong. That is what I learned as my 3 year old brother and I sang with the crowd "We Shall Overcome" that day. And that is what I hoped to teach my children as we sang "We Shall Overcome" along with many, many lullabies yesterday.
In the words of the song,
We are not alone,
We are not alone,
We are not alone today!
Oh, deep in my heart,
I do believe that
We shall overcome some day.
We were not alone, we are part of a global community that protested this wrong and celebrates the reunion and, hopefully, will continue to fight injustice together. I do believe that if we can keep on this path, individual humans uniting into a larger force of peaceful strength for other individual humans who are wronged, some day we can overcome injustice. Some day, we shall overcome the wrongs of the world, and it is through peace, not violence, that will happen. The lesson I learned as a child is the lesson I hope to teach my own children- change comes through working together and non-violence, hurting others is not the way to enact change. I pray that I can help them learn that. I think that yesterday was a good start.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Wow.
It's been a while hasn't it? I didn't realize how long it's been since I blogged...
I've been busy. Busy, busy, busy, seems like we've been DOING for two months straight. April is always super-busy for us and with Bridey's broken leg was more so this year. We spent several weeks at my mom's house, then came home just in time to get ready for Easter and birthdays and... Yeah. While at my mom's house we had lots of help, which is good as for 2 weeks I could not lift and Bridey could not bear weight. The Relief Society stepped up and I also had help from family, friends, and even my family's friends-- my sisters' friend's mom came and helped us several days (and gained the girls' undying love by making cupcakes with them and making them princess outfits out of tissue paper and ribbon and tape...)
Right before the end of tax season (which was 3 days late this year) I worked a check at the Petersen Auto Museum with SafetyBeltSafe, and we got a "Safety Belt Saved" award. The coolest part of this for me was my button. I keep it on my purse. It's teh awesome.
Here is a picture of the girls in their Easter dresses, as is tradition all matchy and adorable:
And wearing their hats, yes, hats are also tradition, bonnets until 2 or 3 and then hats thereafter:
Then there was May. My brother was confirmed a member of the Catholic church (he converted) and had his First Communion; we attended to support him in his desire to renounce evil and turn to God. We had a family birthday party for me and the girls the same day.
Bridey got her cast off, and after a slight snafu (we realized the next week or so that she still seemed to have a stitch in; we had my dad remove what turned out to be TWO, and thereafter her limping and complaining of pain stopped) she's doing great.
We got a new van! It's a 2005 Odyssey-- after we were protected so well by our 2002, buying anything else was kinda out of the question for us. We love it. We went out to Corona and found out that it will be a cinch for us to get swivel screens added in the back rows so rear-facers can watch the DVD player! That will be kinda super-cool as the older two tell me they want to rear-face again to feel safe, and we're going to oblige them with Swedish seats...
I had a few private seat checks in there too-- including one for a friend whom I think I know now better than I did when we were in high school, but either way, I'm glad to know her. And so glad she cares to keep her sweet kids as safe as possible. :)
My uncle who has ALS has been in the hospital; we downloaded Audacity and recorded a CD for him. It has some hymns from me, a song with all of us singing, Emma reading a story, us telling jokes, Ems and Mags singing songs with me (Bridget was not in the mood, lol, typical), and I hear it was a hit. The kids and Jeff learned a new song for it-- the "Alleluia/Praise Ye the Lord" caller/response song-- and it was very amusing to me that Jeff couldn't remember his part on his own. So after Emma learning the whole "Alleluia" tune with me, she had to switch to his side to lead him in "Praise Ye the Lord" because he couldn't remember the notes without a strong singer leading him! LOL! Note to self, if we ever sing a group thing as a family, put Emma with Jeff...
I had a birthday. It was kind of a hard day, being 5 months anniversary of Becky's birthday. I crashed a bit hard the day after. The day of though, my aunt watched the girls and we went to a movie. Then we had dinner with my dad. The day before we had dinner with my friends Melina and Leslie and their mom Celia at their house (I also consider Celia my friend, actually.) We have known each other since Meli and I were in Brownies together... We go way back. They're pretty much family at this point. Isn't it great how your family can grow to include people who you love even if they weren't born into your family? I have a lot of friends like that. Some I've met online, some IRL, but all are now family. Love that.
Anyway, in between ALL that business-- we've been sick over. and over. and over. Ick. It seems like when we're not busy, I'm sick, and when I'm not busy or sick, I have a hard grief day. I'd say I'm ready for a break but, um... I don't know that there's one in the foreseeable future coming up... I'm looking forward to stuff like flying to Ohio to help with a friend's son's birthday party, getting together with local-ish online friends, a trip to Reno, etc. But still.
That's ok. I'd rather be busy doing good things, making happy memories for my kids, and helping and supporting others. I mean, that's life, you know? Even with some grief and illness mixed in-- it's good. And I'm glad I get to experience it.
I've been busy. Busy, busy, busy, seems like we've been DOING for two months straight. April is always super-busy for us and with Bridey's broken leg was more so this year. We spent several weeks at my mom's house, then came home just in time to get ready for Easter and birthdays and... Yeah. While at my mom's house we had lots of help, which is good as for 2 weeks I could not lift and Bridey could not bear weight. The Relief Society stepped up and I also had help from family, friends, and even my family's friends-- my sisters' friend's mom came and helped us several days (and gained the girls' undying love by making cupcakes with them and making them princess outfits out of tissue paper and ribbon and tape...)
Right before the end of tax season (which was 3 days late this year) I worked a check at the Petersen Auto Museum with SafetyBeltSafe, and we got a "Safety Belt Saved" award. The coolest part of this for me was my button. I keep it on my purse. It's teh awesome.
Here is a picture of the girls in their Easter dresses, as is tradition all matchy and adorable:
And wearing their hats, yes, hats are also tradition, bonnets until 2 or 3 and then hats thereafter:
Then there was May. My brother was confirmed a member of the Catholic church (he converted) and had his First Communion; we attended to support him in his desire to renounce evil and turn to God. We had a family birthday party for me and the girls the same day.
Bridey got her cast off, and after a slight snafu (we realized the next week or so that she still seemed to have a stitch in; we had my dad remove what turned out to be TWO, and thereafter her limping and complaining of pain stopped) she's doing great.
We got a new van! It's a 2005 Odyssey-- after we were protected so well by our 2002, buying anything else was kinda out of the question for us. We love it. We went out to Corona and found out that it will be a cinch for us to get swivel screens added in the back rows so rear-facers can watch the DVD player! That will be kinda super-cool as the older two tell me they want to rear-face again to feel safe, and we're going to oblige them with Swedish seats...
I had a few private seat checks in there too-- including one for a friend whom I think I know now better than I did when we were in high school, but either way, I'm glad to know her. And so glad she cares to keep her sweet kids as safe as possible. :)
My uncle who has ALS has been in the hospital; we downloaded Audacity and recorded a CD for him. It has some hymns from me, a song with all of us singing, Emma reading a story, us telling jokes, Ems and Mags singing songs with me (Bridget was not in the mood, lol, typical), and I hear it was a hit. The kids and Jeff learned a new song for it-- the "Alleluia/Praise Ye the Lord" caller/response song-- and it was very amusing to me that Jeff couldn't remember his part on his own. So after Emma learning the whole "Alleluia" tune with me, she had to switch to his side to lead him in "Praise Ye the Lord" because he couldn't remember the notes without a strong singer leading him! LOL! Note to self, if we ever sing a group thing as a family, put Emma with Jeff...
I had a birthday. It was kind of a hard day, being 5 months anniversary of Becky's birthday. I crashed a bit hard the day after. The day of though, my aunt watched the girls and we went to a movie. Then we had dinner with my dad. The day before we had dinner with my friends Melina and Leslie and their mom Celia at their house (I also consider Celia my friend, actually.) We have known each other since Meli and I were in Brownies together... We go way back. They're pretty much family at this point. Isn't it great how your family can grow to include people who you love even if they weren't born into your family? I have a lot of friends like that. Some I've met online, some IRL, but all are now family. Love that.
Anyway, in between ALL that business-- we've been sick over. and over. and over. Ick. It seems like when we're not busy, I'm sick, and when I'm not busy or sick, I have a hard grief day. I'd say I'm ready for a break but, um... I don't know that there's one in the foreseeable future coming up... I'm looking forward to stuff like flying to Ohio to help with a friend's son's birthday party, getting together with local-ish online friends, a trip to Reno, etc. But still.
That's ok. I'd rather be busy doing good things, making happy memories for my kids, and helping and supporting others. I mean, that's life, you know? Even with some grief and illness mixed in-- it's good. And I'm glad I get to experience it.
Friday, April 01, 2011
The Doxology
I grew up singing the Doxology (aka "Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow") weekly. It always meant something to me, but I don't know that I had ever felt as Colin did in The Secret Garden, when he wanted to sing it because he was so happy to be getting healthier and walking. Until last Friday night.
Friday night, we were in a horrific car crash. (Warning: really. It's horrific. And there are pics.) The kind that my first responder friends tell me they expect fatalaties when they see, especially when they know kids are inside.
We all sustained no more than fairly minor injuries. The worst was Bridey's broken leg and deep cut on her foot, and my very cut-up and scraped-up arm, which required a lot of stitches. We'll be better, all of us, completely, in less than 2 months. From an accident that could easily have been fatal.
Before our trip I had some promptings that I didn't understand but followed. I re-packed the luggage to make sure the heavy stuff was compartmentalized. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of Emma falling asleep and falling out of her booster, so even though I'd wavered over the idea of just watching her and poking her if she fell asleep, I put in a harnessed seat for her at the last minute, and sat in the back since she now couldn't reach back to pass snacks. There were other things too, but those were the two major ones.
And so when I realized we had crashed, and we were hanging upside down, and I heard that my family was all alive, and that I could wiggle my fingers and toes (and so was not paralyzed), and that the worst of the car's damage seemed to be on my side, not where my kids were-- I rejoiced. And over and over in my head, as I hung for 10 minutes waiting to be extracted (they had to cut off the door, stablize my neck, unbuckle me and then strap me to the board to pull me out), through fending off the bystander that wanted to cut me out and talking to my husband to make sure the kids were okay, I sang over and over in my head. And without a thought of what my words should be, my soul sang those well-known words over and over, the words that have embodied the joy of knowing that God has blessed us for so many over so many years:
Praise God from Whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!
And I understood the joy that Colin felt in that book, the joy of being alive-- both the euphoria ("I'm going to live forever and ever and ever!") and the deep, deep gratitude.
I begin to understand, I think, a teeny tiny part of the plan that God had when he sent Becky to live in our family for such a short time. She saved my life; she also enabled me to spread this message of car safety farther than I've ever been able to reach before. And I know that she had a choice in it. She did it for me. For her sisters. And for all those other mamas' babies whose lives she may yet save through the spread of this message.
But more than that, I feel just such gratitude. I can't think "why did this happen to me" because I know. If I hadn't been me, whosever children they were might not be alive. And I know my children need to live, because their missions in this life are far from over. Intuitively, I know that. And I know that God loves all children, and wants them protected tenderly, and that many parents need more information on how to do that, when it comes to travelling in the car. (After all, that's why I became a CPST to begin with.) And I know that my Father stepped in to shield me from the worse things that could have happened. And I'm so grateful. And so once again I will praise Him, and as I thank Him for my children every day, I will also thank Him for the good He is doing through us for others' children.
Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow!
P.S.-- please join me in doing this work. Spread the story linked in any way you feel you can-- email, facebook, blogs, anything. May it do much good for those who read it. :)
Friday night, we were in a horrific car crash. (Warning: really. It's horrific. And there are pics.) The kind that my first responder friends tell me they expect fatalaties when they see, especially when they know kids are inside.
We all sustained no more than fairly minor injuries. The worst was Bridey's broken leg and deep cut on her foot, and my very cut-up and scraped-up arm, which required a lot of stitches. We'll be better, all of us, completely, in less than 2 months. From an accident that could easily have been fatal.
Before our trip I had some promptings that I didn't understand but followed. I re-packed the luggage to make sure the heavy stuff was compartmentalized. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of Emma falling asleep and falling out of her booster, so even though I'd wavered over the idea of just watching her and poking her if she fell asleep, I put in a harnessed seat for her at the last minute, and sat in the back since she now couldn't reach back to pass snacks. There were other things too, but those were the two major ones.
And so when I realized we had crashed, and we were hanging upside down, and I heard that my family was all alive, and that I could wiggle my fingers and toes (and so was not paralyzed), and that the worst of the car's damage seemed to be on my side, not where my kids were-- I rejoiced. And over and over in my head, as I hung for 10 minutes waiting to be extracted (they had to cut off the door, stablize my neck, unbuckle me and then strap me to the board to pull me out), through fending off the bystander that wanted to cut me out and talking to my husband to make sure the kids were okay, I sang over and over in my head. And without a thought of what my words should be, my soul sang those well-known words over and over, the words that have embodied the joy of knowing that God has blessed us for so many over so many years:
Praise God from Whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!
And I understood the joy that Colin felt in that book, the joy of being alive-- both the euphoria ("I'm going to live forever and ever and ever!") and the deep, deep gratitude.
I begin to understand, I think, a teeny tiny part of the plan that God had when he sent Becky to live in our family for such a short time. She saved my life; she also enabled me to spread this message of car safety farther than I've ever been able to reach before. And I know that she had a choice in it. She did it for me. For her sisters. And for all those other mamas' babies whose lives she may yet save through the spread of this message.
But more than that, I feel just such gratitude. I can't think "why did this happen to me" because I know. If I hadn't been me, whosever children they were might not be alive. And I know my children need to live, because their missions in this life are far from over. Intuitively, I know that. And I know that God loves all children, and wants them protected tenderly, and that many parents need more information on how to do that, when it comes to travelling in the car. (After all, that's why I became a CPST to begin with.) And I know that my Father stepped in to shield me from the worse things that could have happened. And I'm so grateful. And so once again I will praise Him, and as I thank Him for my children every day, I will also thank Him for the good He is doing through us for others' children.
Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow!
P.S.-- please join me in doing this work. Spread the story linked in any way you feel you can-- email, facebook, blogs, anything. May it do much good for those who read it. :)
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
I'm weird.
This comes home to me several times a day right now.
I don't "nest" like most women do at the end of my pregnancy, typically; I do it now, at the end of the second/beginning of the third trimester, and it takes the form of buying lots of baby clothes and an urge to scrub the bathtubs and sinks out frequently.
I don't consider essential many things many parents do for their babies; we registered at Babies R Us and we won't have a crib, won't have an infant seat, won't have baby gates (well I suppose we might put up the one we got for the top of the stairs, and never put up), won't have plug covers, won't have a nursing cover (HATE), won't have a baby bathtub, won't have sooo many things (though I do have a breast pump and will have bottles this time, but not by choice; so that baby can be supplemented with colostrum during her too-jaundiced-to-nurse-effectively period, not formula)... On the other hand, I could NOT live without a ring sling with a newborn! And we did buy a cover for our mattress, since baby will be sleeping on it with us. (Yes, we're co-sleeping-- without a co-sleeper. Again.)
I know many women who have problems with high blood pressure while pregnant. I, on the other hand, have problems with LOW blood pressure.
In all, some of these things are out of my control; some are choices I make. Some I am proud of, some I don't care, some I would change if I could. In the end, I'm glad my family loves me as I am, and I think that the world would be a better place if there was sometimes less expectation of "normality..."
(Ask me sometime about the Naked School of Socialism if you want a laugh, though. ;) )
I don't "nest" like most women do at the end of my pregnancy, typically; I do it now, at the end of the second/beginning of the third trimester, and it takes the form of buying lots of baby clothes and an urge to scrub the bathtubs and sinks out frequently.
I don't consider essential many things many parents do for their babies; we registered at Babies R Us and we won't have a crib, won't have an infant seat, won't have baby gates (well I suppose we might put up the one we got for the top of the stairs, and never put up), won't have plug covers, won't have a nursing cover (HATE), won't have a baby bathtub, won't have sooo many things (though I do have a breast pump and will have bottles this time, but not by choice; so that baby can be supplemented with colostrum during her too-jaundiced-to-nurse-effectively period, not formula)... On the other hand, I could NOT live without a ring sling with a newborn! And we did buy a cover for our mattress, since baby will be sleeping on it with us. (Yes, we're co-sleeping-- without a co-sleeper. Again.)
I know many women who have problems with high blood pressure while pregnant. I, on the other hand, have problems with LOW blood pressure.
In all, some of these things are out of my control; some are choices I make. Some I am proud of, some I don't care, some I would change if I could. In the end, I'm glad my family loves me as I am, and I think that the world would be a better place if there was sometimes less expectation of "normality..."
(Ask me sometime about the Naked School of Socialism if you want a laugh, though. ;) )
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Getting older, maybe wiser?
Tomorrow is my 27th birthday. It's been a good year in many ways. Since last year, I've done a lot of volunteering as a CPST (I was barely certified my last birthday), Emma has gotten much better (we were still worried about her health this time last year), we've moved to a big house with a back yard and a washer/dryer, Maggie has grown into a little talkative PERSON instead of a baby, I've pretty much recovered (mostly) from the PTSD or whatever I had after having her (at least it seems so, I hope so), we've figured out how to eat almost anything we want to soy-free, which makes her much healthier, I've made some new friends, Jeff has gotten a new job at which he is very happy, I got released from the calling I hated and got a new one, Emma learned to ride in a booster and to read, my uncle's book was published which is very awesome for him, and we've been able to do many other fun things.
There have been a few disappointments. I'm still not pregnant (at least as of last time I tested, last month); I was hoping to have had another baby by now, this time last year. In a way that's been a good thing too. We STILL don't have a bigger car, and much as the kids are content most of the time, sometimes when they're fighting it sure would be nice. ;) And we're not unpacked yet, and of course the house is always a constant struggle between clean and messy. That never ends, I don't think! Maggie isn't quite weaned which is a good thing in many ways, but also means I can't sneak the odd soy-containing treat here or there when I want to without sickening her. And there always seem to be small disappointments and setbacks to go with the joys and triumphs, of course.
But overall, a good year. And what's the point if we don't have things to work toward and look forward to, anyway?
I remember as a little kid being amazed that you could be a WHOLE YEAR older and not feel any older at all. Now as a "grown up" I realize that getting older, growing up, takes place so slowly we don't even notice it. It happens through the day to day, the making choices, the things you learn and do. And darned if one day you don't realize you've matured in a way you never thought you would-- and yet at heart you're still the same person you were when you were a kid. Amazing. And kind of cool. But it almost seems like it does when you see kids you don't see every month after a few months and they've grown two inches, while you hardly notice your own getting taller at all-- maybe someone from the outside notices growth more than you do yourself. To God we must all be like little kids that he watches growing slowly, rejoices in our small milestones and big ones, but I wonder is there someone with Him that points out to Him how much we've grown because they don't see us as often? Maybe. Maybe not. In any case, the growth does happen, whether we notice or not. I'm glad I've been given another year here to learn, and grow, and enjoy my kids doing the same. I hope I can do even better in the year to come. I hope we all can. :)
There have been a few disappointments. I'm still not pregnant (at least as of last time I tested, last month); I was hoping to have had another baby by now, this time last year. In a way that's been a good thing too. We STILL don't have a bigger car, and much as the kids are content most of the time, sometimes when they're fighting it sure would be nice. ;) And we're not unpacked yet, and of course the house is always a constant struggle between clean and messy. That never ends, I don't think! Maggie isn't quite weaned which is a good thing in many ways, but also means I can't sneak the odd soy-containing treat here or there when I want to without sickening her. And there always seem to be small disappointments and setbacks to go with the joys and triumphs, of course.
But overall, a good year. And what's the point if we don't have things to work toward and look forward to, anyway?
I remember as a little kid being amazed that you could be a WHOLE YEAR older and not feel any older at all. Now as a "grown up" I realize that getting older, growing up, takes place so slowly we don't even notice it. It happens through the day to day, the making choices, the things you learn and do. And darned if one day you don't realize you've matured in a way you never thought you would-- and yet at heart you're still the same person you were when you were a kid. Amazing. And kind of cool. But it almost seems like it does when you see kids you don't see every month after a few months and they've grown two inches, while you hardly notice your own getting taller at all-- maybe someone from the outside notices growth more than you do yourself. To God we must all be like little kids that he watches growing slowly, rejoices in our small milestones and big ones, but I wonder is there someone with Him that points out to Him how much we've grown because they don't see us as often? Maybe. Maybe not. In any case, the growth does happen, whether we notice or not. I'm glad I've been given another year here to learn, and grow, and enjoy my kids doing the same. I hope I can do even better in the year to come. I hope we all can. :)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
A Five Year Old Brain and Sound Symbols
Emma is learning to read using Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. We've started and stopped several times since she was 4 1/2 or so. This time we haven't had to take a lot of breaks or repeat lessons. We do about 4-5 lessons in a week, one a day (so most days we have one.) (Bridey is allowed to do reading if she wants to but only if she asks, which so far is about once every 2 weeks. She does well when we do them though! I ask Emma if she's ready for reading most days. Most days she says "Yes" but if she says "No" I don't force her. Some days she brings me the book eager to do it at that time, so we do it then.)
She's at the point (lesson 16) where I can see things really beginning to click in her mind. She's starting to really get the concept of "sound it out"-- say the sounds on the page without stopping, and they are strung together into words! Amazing! Her face lights up when she comprehends that she just read a word all on her own. Having seen when her brain wasn't quite ready for it, and seeing how quickly the lights turn on, so to speak, when she is ready, it's amazing to think about the capacity of a human brain to make symbols for language and learn to interpret them.
I mean, language in itself is amazing. We not only have the physical ability to make sounds, but to express complex thought through a series of them strung together and assigned a meaning-- and once we start learning the meaning of these sounds we have an almost unlimited capacity to learn more. Learning a new set of sounds (another language) is more tricky, but the younger we do it the better we are at it.
And we've learned to make written symbols for these sound-symbols. Having worked a bit with adults who did not learn to read as children, and watching a child in the prime learning-to-read age, children have it so much easier! The quickness with which the connections are formed and the interest in forming them seem to come together at this time in a conjunction that is very fruitful-- she learns the lesson and it really changes her whole though pattern, without her consciously re-training it, just by repeating what I say and playing these little "games" with me.
I don't remember learning to read, really. By the time I was 4 I was sounding out words, by kindergarten I was immediately placed in the highest reading group-- the kids who came in already reading, or very close to it. So I don't really remember this wonder, this lighting up of the whole being at being able to read. But it's great to watch it in her. It's marvelous, in fact. It really cements my happiness that I chose to be the one to do this with her, not send her away from me to have someone else do it. I'm loving seeing her make connections and learn things every day. I can't wait until she's a strong enough reader to read books on her own and come to me and discuss what she read in them-- comprehending these little symbols really does open up the whole world of stories, thoughts, and ideas. I am, in fact, thrilled to have front-row tickets to watch her journey.
She's at the point (lesson 16) where I can see things really beginning to click in her mind. She's starting to really get the concept of "sound it out"-- say the sounds on the page without stopping, and they are strung together into words! Amazing! Her face lights up when she comprehends that she just read a word all on her own. Having seen when her brain wasn't quite ready for it, and seeing how quickly the lights turn on, so to speak, when she is ready, it's amazing to think about the capacity of a human brain to make symbols for language and learn to interpret them.
I mean, language in itself is amazing. We not only have the physical ability to make sounds, but to express complex thought through a series of them strung together and assigned a meaning-- and once we start learning the meaning of these sounds we have an almost unlimited capacity to learn more. Learning a new set of sounds (another language) is more tricky, but the younger we do it the better we are at it.
And we've learned to make written symbols for these sound-symbols. Having worked a bit with adults who did not learn to read as children, and watching a child in the prime learning-to-read age, children have it so much easier! The quickness with which the connections are formed and the interest in forming them seem to come together at this time in a conjunction that is very fruitful-- she learns the lesson and it really changes her whole though pattern, without her consciously re-training it, just by repeating what I say and playing these little "games" with me.
I don't remember learning to read, really. By the time I was 4 I was sounding out words, by kindergarten I was immediately placed in the highest reading group-- the kids who came in already reading, or very close to it. So I don't really remember this wonder, this lighting up of the whole being at being able to read. But it's great to watch it in her. It's marvelous, in fact. It really cements my happiness that I chose to be the one to do this with her, not send her away from me to have someone else do it. I'm loving seeing her make connections and learn things every day. I can't wait until she's a strong enough reader to read books on her own and come to me and discuss what she read in them-- comprehending these little symbols really does open up the whole world of stories, thoughts, and ideas. I am, in fact, thrilled to have front-row tickets to watch her journey.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
And right now I am thankful...
...to get out of my clothes and into my nightie and lay down!
We had a great dinner with my mom. The kids actually took to heart my talk in the car about being polite and did it! Even Bridget, who I thought was not listening because she didn't say "Okay" like Emma did, instead asking questions about things we were driving past. She must have been listening because she spent the entire dinner asking people how they were doing, did they like their dinner, and how was their day going? LOL!
We got to see my aunt and uncle, my sister Erin, she brought her friend and her friend's 11 year old son, and my grandma was also there. And of course my mom, since it was at her house. :) And the food was great of course! The girls ate very well, and Maggie had a jar of sweet potatoes and some finely-chopped turkey, as well as some Gerber apple wheel snacks. She was very tired and finally conked out, and I even got her to sleep for a while in the play pen.
I got some pics of the girls in their cute jumpers (they all wore jumpers with white long sleeved blouses this year, a very classic look and allowed them to "coordinate" without matching at all.) And Emma even got one of me! But I do not feel like pulling them off now-- so I will try to post them tomorrow or the next day. My aunt gave them markers (washable of course!) and note pads. They adored them. My sister gave us some Shel Silverstein cds the library was getting rid of. My aunt also gave us a pretty dress for Maggie; it's 24 mos. but I think it will fit in a month or 2 because she is so LONG!
For now I am grateful for a nice evening with my wonderful family, my kids and their wonderful behavior (they made me look good for once ;) ) and the blessings of the bounty of food we have, the shelter we enjoy, and the ability to buy clothes for my kids and even get them new ones for Thanksgiving. I just got a new picture of my sponsored child, with his cleft lip repaired, and it is kind of making me reflect on how much I take for granted in being able to provide for my children. And also, that I can now veg out instead of cleaning up since I didn't host Thanksgiving!
Hope everyone had a good one. Happy Thanksgiving!
We had a great dinner with my mom. The kids actually took to heart my talk in the car about being polite and did it! Even Bridget, who I thought was not listening because she didn't say "Okay" like Emma did, instead asking questions about things we were driving past. She must have been listening because she spent the entire dinner asking people how they were doing, did they like their dinner, and how was their day going? LOL!
We got to see my aunt and uncle, my sister Erin, she brought her friend and her friend's 11 year old son, and my grandma was also there. And of course my mom, since it was at her house. :) And the food was great of course! The girls ate very well, and Maggie had a jar of sweet potatoes and some finely-chopped turkey, as well as some Gerber apple wheel snacks. She was very tired and finally conked out, and I even got her to sleep for a while in the play pen.
I got some pics of the girls in their cute jumpers (they all wore jumpers with white long sleeved blouses this year, a very classic look and allowed them to "coordinate" without matching at all.) And Emma even got one of me! But I do not feel like pulling them off now-- so I will try to post them tomorrow or the next day. My aunt gave them markers (washable of course!) and note pads. They adored them. My sister gave us some Shel Silverstein cds the library was getting rid of. My aunt also gave us a pretty dress for Maggie; it's 24 mos. but I think it will fit in a month or 2 because she is so LONG!
For now I am grateful for a nice evening with my wonderful family, my kids and their wonderful behavior (they made me look good for once ;) ) and the blessings of the bounty of food we have, the shelter we enjoy, and the ability to buy clothes for my kids and even get them new ones for Thanksgiving. I just got a new picture of my sponsored child, with his cleft lip repaired, and it is kind of making me reflect on how much I take for granted in being able to provide for my children. And also, that I can now veg out instead of cleaning up since I didn't host Thanksgiving!
Hope everyone had a good one. Happy Thanksgiving!
Friday, October 03, 2008
The Christmas Shopping Rules
Since TX Mommy asked, I thought I'd post them here.
I love Christmas, but we try very hard to not bust our anti-consumerism stance or our budget at Christmas. As such I've developed some rules.
Our Christmas shopping rules are that:
-I buy things dirt cheap on clearance throughout the year for the Gift Closet. These include things suitable for baby gifts, adult gifts, and kids' gifts. They're usually things that would cost $10 to $30 that I get for $1 to $5 on clearance/sale/couponing. Also may include things that we recieve and wish to "re-gift" (we put a post-it note on saying who we got it from so we don't re-gift inappropriately.) Occasionally something smaller than $10 like a nice candle that I get on clearance with a coupon. These are also used for baby showers, birthday gifts, etc., and mean I always have something on hand for an "emergency gift" too. After-Christmas sales and the Sears, JCP, and Gymboree clearance-on-clearance are heavy contributors!
-"Santa" brings one new toy or game or etc. per kid. One. Period. If it's really large, it's a joint gift. Budget is about $20 to $30 per kid for this gift and if we can we get it cheaper; that means we need to know who wants what from "Santa" well in advance, and Santa stops listening after about early November most years. ;)
-"Santa" also fills the stockings. Stockings are re-used from year to year and each person has their own, of course. Stockings will contain a tangerine each (it's not Christmas without the tangerine! Like I used to, Ems and Bridey will go for the tangerine before anything else! When we were in Richardson they were Clementines because nothing else could be found but out here they HAVE to be Satsumas!); some candy (including at least one piece of See's chocolate; another tradition), mostly bought on sale with coupons; one or two beauty or hygeine item each (examples from past stockings include dollar store hair bow sets, fuzzy socks, toothbrushes, Disney "magic towel" bath mitts, etc.), and occasionally some stickers or a small $1 toy. This is rooted in what was in stockings when I was young and is very tradition-oriented. Stockings are always opened before presents! Babies of course have special stocking stuffers-- they get a small toy or a paci, maybe a hat or some cute socks or a hair bow, possibly a bib or onesie (thrift store or $1 bin at Target), and a baby food dessert (like Gerber's Dutch Apple Dessert, for instance), which we usually do not buy. Budget is about $5-$7 per stocking per kid, less for adults.
-Kids' gifts from us will consist of some clothes, some books, and a few small toys or some videos. These are all purchased at the thrift store, used, with the occasional exception of a heavily clearanced outfit. We very much do not want to buy new for the bulk of these gifts.
-Kids' gifts to each other may be chosen from the thrift store once they are old enough to shop (Emma started at around 3) or may be picked out from the Gift Closet (with guidance from me) before then. Babies do not "give" gifts to their sibs, this is only for kids old enough to want to give a gift to the others.
-If a situation arises in which kids are giving gifts to friends, they need to earn the money and spend their own money toward it, if it's their own idea. They may choose one from the Gift Closet if it is a socially mandated gift (going to a church party and have a Secret Santa partner, or something like that, would be an example.)
-With the exception of children, all relatives (grandparents, aunts, etc.-- meaning our parents, my sisters, etc.) and close friends get a home-made (or home-assembled, at least) gift of some sort, often consumable. These are mass-assembled as a family project.
-Nieces, nephews, and second cousins' gifts are bought on clearance or chosen from the Gift Closet; on my husband's side the cousins each give to one randomly selected cousin so instead of each kid recieving 2 gifts (since there are 3 sibs with families) they each only get one from the cousins; cuts down on "stuff." We send cards to each other but do not give gifts to each other.
-My darling husband and I don't give formal gifts to each other. Instead, we discuss something we really want, often something the whole family will use, and buy it together, on sale or, preferably, used. Likewise, we don't conspire to have the kids buy gifts for each spouse in secret (unless we happen on something perfect at the thrift store.) We have too much stuff already. (If they wanted to do it in secret and made it or spent their own money we'd let them, of course, but we don't instigate it.) Some years we may choose to save our money and later put it toward a vacation or a date instead.
-As much shopping and planning as possible should be done early! If I can be done with all things that are to be bought and have the materials for our project by November, I'm happy. Usually at least something is done last-minute but it does at least cut down on the haste and stress, and makes for better deals!
We do participate in the Hatrack gift exchange each year, but the limit on that is $10 and make-it-yourself is strongly encouraged, so we never break the bank. Following our Christmas shopping rules for family and close friends of the family means that we have more time and money to spend on something fun like that! We usually go out and do all our Hatrack shopping in one day, box everything up, and mail it. I like to get it done well before the deadline. :)
So in re-reading some of the rules I think some of the wording is not as clear as it could be... If you need clarification just ask! Of course the rules get "bent" here and there-- but we try to stick to them when possible! I really like keeping things as simple as possible. We have found that we all really appreciate the thought behind gifts more than anything, so do our families, and that the kids could not care less if their stuff is used when they get it. In cutting back on the Christmas budget and stress, we are able to appreciate Christmas itself more.
I love Christmas, but we try very hard to not bust our anti-consumerism stance or our budget at Christmas. As such I've developed some rules.
Our Christmas shopping rules are that:
-I buy things dirt cheap on clearance throughout the year for the Gift Closet. These include things suitable for baby gifts, adult gifts, and kids' gifts. They're usually things that would cost $10 to $30 that I get for $1 to $5 on clearance/sale/couponing. Also may include things that we recieve and wish to "re-gift" (we put a post-it note on saying who we got it from so we don't re-gift inappropriately.) Occasionally something smaller than $10 like a nice candle that I get on clearance with a coupon. These are also used for baby showers, birthday gifts, etc., and mean I always have something on hand for an "emergency gift" too. After-Christmas sales and the Sears, JCP, and Gymboree clearance-on-clearance are heavy contributors!
-"Santa" brings one new toy or game or etc. per kid. One. Period. If it's really large, it's a joint gift. Budget is about $20 to $30 per kid for this gift and if we can we get it cheaper; that means we need to know who wants what from "Santa" well in advance, and Santa stops listening after about early November most years. ;)
-"Santa" also fills the stockings. Stockings are re-used from year to year and each person has their own, of course. Stockings will contain a tangerine each (it's not Christmas without the tangerine! Like I used to, Ems and Bridey will go for the tangerine before anything else! When we were in Richardson they were Clementines because nothing else could be found but out here they HAVE to be Satsumas!); some candy (including at least one piece of See's chocolate; another tradition), mostly bought on sale with coupons; one or two beauty or hygeine item each (examples from past stockings include dollar store hair bow sets, fuzzy socks, toothbrushes, Disney "magic towel" bath mitts, etc.), and occasionally some stickers or a small $1 toy. This is rooted in what was in stockings when I was young and is very tradition-oriented. Stockings are always opened before presents! Babies of course have special stocking stuffers-- they get a small toy or a paci, maybe a hat or some cute socks or a hair bow, possibly a bib or onesie (thrift store or $1 bin at Target), and a baby food dessert (like Gerber's Dutch Apple Dessert, for instance), which we usually do not buy. Budget is about $5-$7 per stocking per kid, less for adults.
-Kids' gifts from us will consist of some clothes, some books, and a few small toys or some videos. These are all purchased at the thrift store, used, with the occasional exception of a heavily clearanced outfit. We very much do not want to buy new for the bulk of these gifts.
-Kids' gifts to each other may be chosen from the thrift store once they are old enough to shop (Emma started at around 3) or may be picked out from the Gift Closet (with guidance from me) before then. Babies do not "give" gifts to their sibs, this is only for kids old enough to want to give a gift to the others.
-If a situation arises in which kids are giving gifts to friends, they need to earn the money and spend their own money toward it, if it's their own idea. They may choose one from the Gift Closet if it is a socially mandated gift (going to a church party and have a Secret Santa partner, or something like that, would be an example.)
-With the exception of children, all relatives (grandparents, aunts, etc.-- meaning our parents, my sisters, etc.) and close friends get a home-made (or home-assembled, at least) gift of some sort, often consumable. These are mass-assembled as a family project.
-Nieces, nephews, and second cousins' gifts are bought on clearance or chosen from the Gift Closet; on my husband's side the cousins each give to one randomly selected cousin so instead of each kid recieving 2 gifts (since there are 3 sibs with families) they each only get one from the cousins; cuts down on "stuff." We send cards to each other but do not give gifts to each other.
-My darling husband and I don't give formal gifts to each other. Instead, we discuss something we really want, often something the whole family will use, and buy it together, on sale or, preferably, used. Likewise, we don't conspire to have the kids buy gifts for each spouse in secret (unless we happen on something perfect at the thrift store.) We have too much stuff already. (If they wanted to do it in secret and made it or spent their own money we'd let them, of course, but we don't instigate it.) Some years we may choose to save our money and later put it toward a vacation or a date instead.
-As much shopping and planning as possible should be done early! If I can be done with all things that are to be bought and have the materials for our project by November, I'm happy. Usually at least something is done last-minute but it does at least cut down on the haste and stress, and makes for better deals!
We do participate in the Hatrack gift exchange each year, but the limit on that is $10 and make-it-yourself is strongly encouraged, so we never break the bank. Following our Christmas shopping rules for family and close friends of the family means that we have more time and money to spend on something fun like that! We usually go out and do all our Hatrack shopping in one day, box everything up, and mail it. I like to get it done well before the deadline. :)
So in re-reading some of the rules I think some of the wording is not as clear as it could be... If you need clarification just ask! Of course the rules get "bent" here and there-- but we try to stick to them when possible! I really like keeping things as simple as possible. We have found that we all really appreciate the thought behind gifts more than anything, so do our families, and that the kids could not care less if their stuff is used when they get it. In cutting back on the Christmas budget and stress, we are able to appreciate Christmas itself more.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Gobble Gobble
Maggie woke up hungry and I realized she hadn't had her "real food" today. So I suggested, since we haven't tried her on a new food for a while, we try a jar of "turkey and sweet potatoes." (She'd had sweet potatoes before but this was her first meat.) She loved it! She ate half a jar (minus what ended up on her face, chest, hands, Exersaucer-- where we feed her-- and in the folds between rolls of fat on her neck, lol!)
All my girls have been quite fond of turkey and sweet potatoes both, so I'm not really surprised... It makes me a little sad and proud at the same time to see her getting so big, though! I just can't wait to see her get as big as her sisters, and at the same time I wish that day would hold off forever and she could always be my baby. It's one of the paradoxes of motherhood (or I suppose I should say, parenthood); you simultaneously are excited for every milestone, and wish they could stay little forever. I think it is probably because we know that things only get more complicated; we want to protect them and keep them from harm forever, because we love them so much. But at the same time we know that it's right and good and necessary for them to grow and develop. *sigh*
I guess that's why I'm starting to hanker for another one...
All my girls have been quite fond of turkey and sweet potatoes both, so I'm not really surprised... It makes me a little sad and proud at the same time to see her getting so big, though! I just can't wait to see her get as big as her sisters, and at the same time I wish that day would hold off forever and she could always be my baby. It's one of the paradoxes of motherhood (or I suppose I should say, parenthood); you simultaneously are excited for every milestone, and wish they could stay little forever. I think it is probably because we know that things only get more complicated; we want to protect them and keep them from harm forever, because we love them so much. But at the same time we know that it's right and good and necessary for them to grow and develop. *sigh*
I guess that's why I'm starting to hanker for another one...
Sunday, September 14, 2008
An emotional weekend
Friday was Jeff's day off. We got calls all day about Uncle Bob's status, and finally went to see him in the evening. We only went in for a few minutes. Since he's in the critical care unit overflow, the girls couldn't go in at all... (I had been asking my dad that and it would have been nice if he would have just read the sign and told me that. All he would say was he didn't know if it was a good idea, he never said it was a rule.) At that point they were not thinking he was going to pull through. Today he is given a 90% chance of survival.
Let me backtrack a little. Thursday we found out that he was going to the hospital. He has ALS, as I've mentioned before; he had pneumonia, a really bad case that had progressed to sepsis. And of course because of the ALS it's harder for him to fight things off, especially things that involve breathing.
It was really hard to see him in the hospital. While we were waiting to hear if he'd even be awake for us to go see him and such, we ended up going to the thrift store. I did find some awesome books. I listed them on eBay but if they don't sell I think I'm keeping them!!!
Then Saturday we got up early and I headed to choir practice. After I got done with that we went to my mom's house but on the way hit a yard sale. I got a Pack and Play for $3, and a whole bunch of clothes for the girls (mostly winter clothes for Bridey; Emma skipped from a 2T to a 4T and Bridey is firmly a 3T, we don't have a lot of clothes that fit her, but a few for Emma and Maggie, too) for 25 cents a piece. Then we went to my mom's; her former boss (retired) was there, and they took pictures of Maggie doing different things for a presentation they're making for parents on what to do and not to do to ensure a nice round head in your baby (preventing positional plagiocephaly, which has spiked really high since the "Back to Sleep" campaign started, with proper positioning techniques, tummy time, etc.) She made us spaghetti for lunch. We all enjoyed that.
We didn't make the evening session of Stake Conference Saturday night because it is "adults only" and there's no way we could keep the kids under control and not disturb people, and we didn't have a babysitter.
This morning we were at the Stake Center at 8:30 for choir practice again. When we finished the last song, Bridget was ready to go, poor thing! (It did not make sense for them to go home and come back because they'd only end up with 15 minutes at home or so before it was time to come back-- and they'd lose the sweet parking spot we scored, actually in the SC parking lot instead of in the school parking lot backing up to the SC, so 10 minutes less of walking, and even in the shade!)
Stake Conference was good. I heard a lot of things I needed to hear. In particular I loved the Primary President's talk. I really needed that one, though she directed it to the children it was for the parents just as much. And I was interested to hear the big focus on getting out of consumer debt; our stake has been challenged by our Stake President (who used to be my bishop and I love him and his family so much) to be consumer debt free by 2010 (this is not inculding houses and school loans but is including cars, credit cards, and everything else.) Luckily we are in a position where we have already been able to start paying this debt off. We may have another car payment by then, but are hoping to have it mostly paid off. (We will have to get another car if we have another child, because we're using all the seats in our Corolla right now!) And there was also emphasis on teaching our children and those around us good spending/saving habits. The Primary children are going to be provided with savings banks from the Stake Presidency that have 3 parts; one for tithing, one for saving for a mission or education, and one for spending.
The choir was so big we overflowed the rather poorly designed loft, and three or four of us had to be down on the pews and walk up. However we had less than we had thought so there were 3 empty rows that had been reserved for us; I volunteered to sit down there and got to have my family with me. A very nice lady held Maggie through much of the meeting so I could get up and down with the choir. Emma fell asleep on the pew; Jeff took Bridey and later Maggie too to the Nursery room (where they had toys out and also had a video feed from the chapel so the adults could hear the talks.)
I had an asthma attack near the end. It was pretty bad; it took 6 hits from my inhaler to even start breathing properly and 2 more before I was completely breathing. I was shaking so badly from the albuterol when we got up to sing the closing number that I forgot I was supposed to sing second soprano until halfway through the verse... Oops... I did manage to hit the high note at the end, though. (One of the first sopranos couldn't hit the note so she switched parts with me just for the last line.) We sang my favorite arrangement of "The Spirit of God." I really love this one because it's so powerful, especially if you think of it the way I do, as a metaphor. See, it starts out with a solo tenor voice. Then the tenor is joined by a baritone. Then they are joined by a small group of men, then all the men, then the women, and in our case we added the congregation on the last verse. I think of it like a metaphor for the growth of the church and it has always added a lot to my appreciation of the piece.
So anyway... It was a weekend of ups and downs. I don't really know how much longer Uncle Bob is going to last. As much as for his sake I hope he does not have to suffer too long in a body that doesn't work while he retains full consciousness of what is going on, I hope for our sake to have him a little longer. It's confusing and it hurts and... Well, I guess I will just have to try to appreciate whatever time we are given to be with him. There are some things I want to do with him. I want him to hear Emma do her reading lessons before he goes, that would make him so proud (he's one I really talked things out with before deciding to homeschool, before his diagnosis and before he went downhill so fast, physically speaking.) And I want him to see Emma dance. And I want him to see Maggie grow and Bridget mature. But I don't know how much of that will even be possible (well, in this world. I'm sure he'll care for them after he is gone. But you know what I mean.)
This dying stuff is hard. :(
Let me backtrack a little. Thursday we found out that he was going to the hospital. He has ALS, as I've mentioned before; he had pneumonia, a really bad case that had progressed to sepsis. And of course because of the ALS it's harder for him to fight things off, especially things that involve breathing.
It was really hard to see him in the hospital. While we were waiting to hear if he'd even be awake for us to go see him and such, we ended up going to the thrift store. I did find some awesome books. I listed them on eBay but if they don't sell I think I'm keeping them!!!
Then Saturday we got up early and I headed to choir practice. After I got done with that we went to my mom's house but on the way hit a yard sale. I got a Pack and Play for $3, and a whole bunch of clothes for the girls (mostly winter clothes for Bridey; Emma skipped from a 2T to a 4T and Bridey is firmly a 3T, we don't have a lot of clothes that fit her, but a few for Emma and Maggie, too) for 25 cents a piece. Then we went to my mom's; her former boss (retired) was there, and they took pictures of Maggie doing different things for a presentation they're making for parents on what to do and not to do to ensure a nice round head in your baby (preventing positional plagiocephaly, which has spiked really high since the "Back to Sleep" campaign started, with proper positioning techniques, tummy time, etc.) She made us spaghetti for lunch. We all enjoyed that.
We didn't make the evening session of Stake Conference Saturday night because it is "adults only" and there's no way we could keep the kids under control and not disturb people, and we didn't have a babysitter.
This morning we were at the Stake Center at 8:30 for choir practice again. When we finished the last song, Bridget was ready to go, poor thing! (It did not make sense for them to go home and come back because they'd only end up with 15 minutes at home or so before it was time to come back-- and they'd lose the sweet parking spot we scored, actually in the SC parking lot instead of in the school parking lot backing up to the SC, so 10 minutes less of walking, and even in the shade!)
Stake Conference was good. I heard a lot of things I needed to hear. In particular I loved the Primary President's talk. I really needed that one, though she directed it to the children it was for the parents just as much. And I was interested to hear the big focus on getting out of consumer debt; our stake has been challenged by our Stake President (who used to be my bishop and I love him and his family so much) to be consumer debt free by 2010 (this is not inculding houses and school loans but is including cars, credit cards, and everything else.) Luckily we are in a position where we have already been able to start paying this debt off. We may have another car payment by then, but are hoping to have it mostly paid off. (We will have to get another car if we have another child, because we're using all the seats in our Corolla right now!) And there was also emphasis on teaching our children and those around us good spending/saving habits. The Primary children are going to be provided with savings banks from the Stake Presidency that have 3 parts; one for tithing, one for saving for a mission or education, and one for spending.
The choir was so big we overflowed the rather poorly designed loft, and three or four of us had to be down on the pews and walk up. However we had less than we had thought so there were 3 empty rows that had been reserved for us; I volunteered to sit down there and got to have my family with me. A very nice lady held Maggie through much of the meeting so I could get up and down with the choir. Emma fell asleep on the pew; Jeff took Bridey and later Maggie too to the Nursery room (where they had toys out and also had a video feed from the chapel so the adults could hear the talks.)
I had an asthma attack near the end. It was pretty bad; it took 6 hits from my inhaler to even start breathing properly and 2 more before I was completely breathing. I was shaking so badly from the albuterol when we got up to sing the closing number that I forgot I was supposed to sing second soprano until halfway through the verse... Oops... I did manage to hit the high note at the end, though. (One of the first sopranos couldn't hit the note so she switched parts with me just for the last line.) We sang my favorite arrangement of "The Spirit of God." I really love this one because it's so powerful, especially if you think of it the way I do, as a metaphor. See, it starts out with a solo tenor voice. Then the tenor is joined by a baritone. Then they are joined by a small group of men, then all the men, then the women, and in our case we added the congregation on the last verse. I think of it like a metaphor for the growth of the church and it has always added a lot to my appreciation of the piece.
So anyway... It was a weekend of ups and downs. I don't really know how much longer Uncle Bob is going to last. As much as for his sake I hope he does not have to suffer too long in a body that doesn't work while he retains full consciousness of what is going on, I hope for our sake to have him a little longer. It's confusing and it hurts and... Well, I guess I will just have to try to appreciate whatever time we are given to be with him. There are some things I want to do with him. I want him to hear Emma do her reading lessons before he goes, that would make him so proud (he's one I really talked things out with before deciding to homeschool, before his diagnosis and before he went downhill so fast, physically speaking.) And I want him to see Emma dance. And I want him to see Maggie grow and Bridget mature. But I don't know how much of that will even be possible (well, in this world. I'm sure he'll care for them after he is gone. But you know what I mean.)
This dying stuff is hard. :(
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Time is a funny thing...
Sometimes, days and hours drag by so slowly. And yet Sunday, the one day we have together as a family right now, seems to fly by so fast.
I can't believe Sunday is practically over. I wish it weren't. I like seeing my husband now and then. ;) And yet, every day done is another day I don't have to wait for things...
Things I'm waiting for:
St. Patrick's Day. How can I not love a day when I wear my favorite color and make colcannon and listen to even more Irish music than usual? Although we traditionally have poached salmon with the colcannon, since I just like an excuse to buy some good salmon and cook it (well, it is a traditional Irish food source, too), this year I'm not sure I'm up for that much extra work. I'm thinking of getting ham steak instead and just serving fried ham with the colcannon. I doubt I'll be baking soda bread, either. In any case, colcannon is the main thing for me... 2 weeks, one day left until St. Patrick's Day.
Easter, because Easter is a great holiday. It's all joyous and happy; it's religious and intuitive all at once (how can you not celebrate Spring? And celebrating Spring goes perfectly hand-in-hand with celebrating the Atonement and the Resurrection.) And we get to hang out with my family and eat good food. And the kids get new matching dresses, which is always cute, and hunt eggs, which is cuter. 3 weeks left until Easter.
The end of tax season. That will be niiiice. I am very anxious to NOT have Jeff working 90+ hours a week (usually more.) And we'll finally be able to really get things ready for the baby to come. 6 weeks, 2 days left until April 15, the end of tax season.
The baby coming! So far we're planning on April 24 (when I will be exactly 39 weeks along) as the induction date. (I may not make it that far but if I can it would be a nice day, we think.) I'm looking forward to meeting the baby, of course, but also to just not being pregnant any more! It hurts. And to getting some REST in the hospital, I love my girls but I will really enjoy just having ONE for most of the day for a few days, and getting to bond with the newest little snuggler. Not to mention being waited on, never running out of diapers, not having to fight little ones over what I want to watch on tv... 7 weeks, 4 days left until my anticipated induction date and meeting Maggie.
What's funny is, when you put it in weeks, it doesn't seem that long-- but when you try to think ahead to it, your mind can't quite grasp how fast it might go, and each individual day still seems to go so slowly sometimes.
I remember waiting seemed so much slower when I was little. Perhaps it was because it was more of a percentage of my total life lived, and now it's less? If that's the case, is everything just going to keep speeding up as I get older? I can't believe my little baby Emma will be four on April 5... And Bridey will be 2 on the 21st of April. Soon after that I'll turn 25, and a month after that will be our fifth wedding anniversary! *sigh* I remember all that time, but it doesn't seem like years.
Time is such a funny concept.
I can't believe Sunday is practically over. I wish it weren't. I like seeing my husband now and then. ;) And yet, every day done is another day I don't have to wait for things...
Things I'm waiting for:
St. Patrick's Day. How can I not love a day when I wear my favorite color and make colcannon and listen to even more Irish music than usual? Although we traditionally have poached salmon with the colcannon, since I just like an excuse to buy some good salmon and cook it (well, it is a traditional Irish food source, too), this year I'm not sure I'm up for that much extra work. I'm thinking of getting ham steak instead and just serving fried ham with the colcannon. I doubt I'll be baking soda bread, either. In any case, colcannon is the main thing for me... 2 weeks, one day left until St. Patrick's Day.
Easter, because Easter is a great holiday. It's all joyous and happy; it's religious and intuitive all at once (how can you not celebrate Spring? And celebrating Spring goes perfectly hand-in-hand with celebrating the Atonement and the Resurrection.) And we get to hang out with my family and eat good food. And the kids get new matching dresses, which is always cute, and hunt eggs, which is cuter. 3 weeks left until Easter.
The end of tax season. That will be niiiice. I am very anxious to NOT have Jeff working 90+ hours a week (usually more.) And we'll finally be able to really get things ready for the baby to come. 6 weeks, 2 days left until April 15, the end of tax season.
The baby coming! So far we're planning on April 24 (when I will be exactly 39 weeks along) as the induction date. (I may not make it that far but if I can it would be a nice day, we think.) I'm looking forward to meeting the baby, of course, but also to just not being pregnant any more! It hurts. And to getting some REST in the hospital, I love my girls but I will really enjoy just having ONE for most of the day for a few days, and getting to bond with the newest little snuggler. Not to mention being waited on, never running out of diapers, not having to fight little ones over what I want to watch on tv... 7 weeks, 4 days left until my anticipated induction date and meeting Maggie.
What's funny is, when you put it in weeks, it doesn't seem that long-- but when you try to think ahead to it, your mind can't quite grasp how fast it might go, and each individual day still seems to go so slowly sometimes.
I remember waiting seemed so much slower when I was little. Perhaps it was because it was more of a percentage of my total life lived, and now it's less? If that's the case, is everything just going to keep speeding up as I get older? I can't believe my little baby Emma will be four on April 5... And Bridey will be 2 on the 21st of April. Soon after that I'll turn 25, and a month after that will be our fifth wedding anniversary! *sigh* I remember all that time, but it doesn't seem like years.
Time is such a funny concept.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
My Independence Day Tradition...
...is to re-read Common Sense. It's my favorite work by Tom Paine, and Tom Paine has always been my favorite of the "founding fathers" of our nation (even if he wasn't technically one of them, more of an "influence.") His way with words was incredible. I've been re-reading this short work in celebration of the Fourth every year since I was 9 or so. It's a good tradition, and I always catch something new that makes me re-think some things.
If you'd like to join me in this, full text is online at Bartleby, or it's downloadable in e-book form at Project Gutenberg (I don't recommend the online format at the latter, it can be hard on the eyes.)
You can also access his longer works online, if you decide you like his writing and haven't read enough of him.
Reading Common Sense is important to me because it sets out in plain words the importance of good government, the things that we consider basic human rights, and provides thinking points which we can apply to our own country and government as well as the situations of people all over the world-- are we being properly governed? If so, how can we ensure that it continues? If not, what steps should we individually take to change that? Do we have a responsibility to those who are not being properly governed? What is it, and how do we best execute it? (On that note, one of the best websites I know for humbling myself when I think we (as a global people) are doing pretty well is Human Rights Watch; there are still parts of the world where our brothers and sisters are suffering in unspeakable ways because their government does not guarantee their rights or actively suppresses them. Warning: that site contains very specific content about atrocities, although not on the front page. Consider the consequences before allowing children to access it.)
Anyway, have a safe and happy Independence Day, those of my friends who are Americans, and to those who are not, you might enjoy the reading anyway. ;)
If you'd like to join me in this, full text is online at Bartleby, or it's downloadable in e-book form at Project Gutenberg (I don't recommend the online format at the latter, it can be hard on the eyes.)
You can also access his longer works online, if you decide you like his writing and haven't read enough of him.
Reading Common Sense is important to me because it sets out in plain words the importance of good government, the things that we consider basic human rights, and provides thinking points which we can apply to our own country and government as well as the situations of people all over the world-- are we being properly governed? If so, how can we ensure that it continues? If not, what steps should we individually take to change that? Do we have a responsibility to those who are not being properly governed? What is it, and how do we best execute it? (On that note, one of the best websites I know for humbling myself when I think we (as a global people) are doing pretty well is Human Rights Watch; there are still parts of the world where our brothers and sisters are suffering in unspeakable ways because their government does not guarantee their rights or actively suppresses them. Warning: that site contains very specific content about atrocities, although not on the front page. Consider the consequences before allowing children to access it.)
Anyway, have a safe and happy Independence Day, those of my friends who are Americans, and to those who are not, you might enjoy the reading anyway. ;)
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Can you say "irony" with me, girls and boys?
So. I followed an ad link to the Little Me website, just out of curiosity. They were making a big deal about dressing kids like kids. (Something I agree with.) They had on their home page a picture of a little girl covering her face with the caption, "Please don't dress me like a teenager." (Again, I agree completely.) So, I checked out some of their offerings in my daughter's size. And what to my wondering eyes should appear?
This.
"Little bellies never looked cuter in this two-piece halter bikini." Yeah, huh. Whatever.
Irony, or hypocrisy. Take your choice.
This.
"Little bellies never looked cuter in this two-piece halter bikini." Yeah, huh. Whatever.
Irony, or hypocrisy. Take your choice.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Sometimes random acts of kindness and the tender mercies of the Lord...
...are the same thing, I think.
For instance, today I was walking with Ems and Bridey in the double stroller. We were stuck at the little island between two crosswalks that cross a very busy street. I put the brake on, but apparently it didn't catch all the way. I went to go and push the crosswalk button, about five feet away, and as I pushed it, Emma started wiggling, because she wanted to keep going. I saw the stroller start to roll into fast-moving, oncoming traffic, and lunged, knowing as I did that I was not going to make it, and all I could hope for was cars to notice and swerve until I could pull it back-- and at that exact moment, a mother walking her young son was passing it, and was paying attention despite being a little past it. Without a word or a thought, she turned around, grabbed the stroller, and held it until I made it there. With a smile, she moved on. And I praised the Lord and thanked Him for this act of kindness from a stranger. Because it was both an act of kindness and goodness, on her part-- and an act of love and protection on His. God knows when we will be in need and provides the instruments for our help and protection well in advance-- often in the form of putting those around us in the right place and position to help us. I truly believe this. Maybe we can all pay attention to these opportunities to serve others in small ways and recognize them for what they are-- an opportunity to be the instrument of the Lord's tender mercies in someone's life.
For instance, today I was walking with Ems and Bridey in the double stroller. We were stuck at the little island between two crosswalks that cross a very busy street. I put the brake on, but apparently it didn't catch all the way. I went to go and push the crosswalk button, about five feet away, and as I pushed it, Emma started wiggling, because she wanted to keep going. I saw the stroller start to roll into fast-moving, oncoming traffic, and lunged, knowing as I did that I was not going to make it, and all I could hope for was cars to notice and swerve until I could pull it back-- and at that exact moment, a mother walking her young son was passing it, and was paying attention despite being a little past it. Without a word or a thought, she turned around, grabbed the stroller, and held it until I made it there. With a smile, she moved on. And I praised the Lord and thanked Him for this act of kindness from a stranger. Because it was both an act of kindness and goodness, on her part-- and an act of love and protection on His. God knows when we will be in need and provides the instruments for our help and protection well in advance-- often in the form of putting those around us in the right place and position to help us. I truly believe this. Maybe we can all pay attention to these opportunities to serve others in small ways and recognize them for what they are-- an opportunity to be the instrument of the Lord's tender mercies in someone's life.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Saudades
I'm having quite an attack of saudade today. See, I've always had this recurring... ache. It's a longing to return to someplace I've never been, kind of, a nostalgia for a time in which I never lived, a homesickness for a home I've never known. A while back, I wrote my first "landmark" post over on the Hatrack River Forums. In it, I talked about these feelings I've always had, and one of the replies gave me, finally, a word for what I feel: saudade.
It's pronounced, apparently, "'sou-da-jee'. The 'ou' like in 'ouch'." My research indicates that it was coined by Portuguese sailors, explorers who felt it upon seeing new lands and again upon returning home.
Anyway, I'm feeling it strongly today, and that's why you're hearing "Goodnight, Irene." It's one of the songs that was sung at the close of every musical gathering when I was growing up; a few people (usually us included) would stay later and play, sing, and talk quietly in smaller groups, but when the bulk of people were ready to leave, we'd all gather first and sing this song, it usually took about ten minutes (we have more verses than Johnny sings and would repeat the chorus several times at the end and between each verse, with an instrumental here and there.) It's one of those songs that both triggers/aggravates the saudade feelings, and somehow, perversely, soothes it. If any of you have saudade sometimes too, I'd love to hear about it. For many years I thought I was the only one, and it was great to know I am not alone.
It's pronounced, apparently, "'sou-da-jee'. The 'ou' like in 'ouch'." My research indicates that it was coined by Portuguese sailors, explorers who felt it upon seeing new lands and again upon returning home.
Anyway, I'm feeling it strongly today, and that's why you're hearing "Goodnight, Irene." It's one of the songs that was sung at the close of every musical gathering when I was growing up; a few people (usually us included) would stay later and play, sing, and talk quietly in smaller groups, but when the bulk of people were ready to leave, we'd all gather first and sing this song, it usually took about ten minutes (we have more verses than Johnny sings and would repeat the chorus several times at the end and between each verse, with an instrumental here and there.) It's one of those songs that both triggers/aggravates the saudade feelings, and somehow, perversely, soothes it. If any of you have saudade sometimes too, I'd love to hear about it. For many years I thought I was the only one, and it was great to know I am not alone.
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