Thursday, May 20, 2010

Getting older, maybe wiser?

Tomorrow is my 27th birthday. It's been a good year in many ways. Since last year, I've done a lot of volunteering as a CPST (I was barely certified my last birthday), Emma has gotten much better (we were still worried about her health this time last year), we've moved to a big house with a back yard and a washer/dryer, Maggie has grown into a little talkative PERSON instead of a baby, I've pretty much recovered (mostly) from the PTSD or whatever I had after having her (at least it seems so, I hope so), we've figured out how to eat almost anything we want to soy-free, which makes her much healthier, I've made some new friends, Jeff has gotten a new job at which he is very happy, I got released from the calling I hated and got a new one, Emma learned to ride in a booster and to read, my uncle's book was published which is very awesome for him, and we've been able to do many other fun things.

There have been a few disappointments. I'm still not pregnant (at least as of last time I tested, last month); I was hoping to have had another baby by now, this time last year. In a way that's been a good thing too. We STILL don't have a bigger car, and much as the kids are content most of the time, sometimes when they're fighting it sure would be nice. ;) And we're not unpacked yet, and of course the house is always a constant struggle between clean and messy. That never ends, I don't think! Maggie isn't quite weaned which is a good thing in many ways, but also means I can't sneak the odd soy-containing treat here or there when I want to without sickening her. And there always seem to be small disappointments and setbacks to go with the joys and triumphs, of course.

But overall, a good year. And what's the point if we don't have things to work toward and look forward to, anyway?

I remember as a little kid being amazed that you could be a WHOLE YEAR older and not feel any older at all. Now as a "grown up" I realize that getting older, growing up, takes place so slowly we don't even notice it. It happens through the day to day, the making choices, the things you learn and do. And darned if one day you don't realize you've matured in a way you never thought you would-- and yet at heart you're still the same person you were when you were a kid. Amazing. And kind of cool. But it almost seems like it does when you see kids you don't see every month after a few months and they've grown two inches, while you hardly notice your own getting taller at all-- maybe someone from the outside notices growth more than you do yourself. To God we must all be like little kids that he watches growing slowly, rejoices in our small milestones and big ones, but I wonder is there someone with Him that points out to Him how much we've grown because they don't see us as often? Maybe. Maybe not. In any case, the growth does happen, whether we notice or not. I'm glad I've been given another year here to learn, and grow, and enjoy my kids doing the same. I hope I can do even better in the year to come. I hope we all can. :)

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