Frazzled and Kind of Down and Stuff

It's one of those times when I feel like so much is going on that I'm just overwhelmed-- even though not that much really gets done. Sunday, of course, was Easter; the day before we went to my aunt's for an egg hunt, and on Easter proper we went to my mom's and did another (indoor-- it was raining Sunday) egg hunt and dinner (just us, my mom, my sister Megan, and my Grandma Katie.)

Thursday I taught my crockpot cooking class for Enrichment, one of three (the other two were housecleaning tips and gardening), and it was a lot of fun. Everyone loved it, I felt kind of silly telling women older than me how to cook and especially mentioning the information I did about eating balanced meals and observing proper food safety protocols, but I felt the need to and at least one person, a visitor no less, thanked me for it. So I guess it wasn't so silly. And I did like the eating part afterwards (we sampled all kinds of crockpot dishes. I made three. Everyone LOVED them.)

I guess I'm kind of stressed out right now. Between Jeff not working (he's looking for something part time and of course promoting the new business, but we have no clients yet despite assiduous fliering and networking and an awesome domain name for the website; there's a job fair Tuesday and AccounTemps, an accounting temp firm, will be there, so he'll be heading to that) and my stuff going on (I have bad cramping this week and my bleeding, which just finally stopped, has now started again, AND a cold, AND I was getting started on a UTI; I just started cranberry extract for that) I am just physically and emotionally drained. And frustrated. And Ems is not helping-- I think she is picking up on the household stress and it's contributing to her rambunctious, clingy, contrary behavior. And let's not even talk about potty training. Jeff losing his job means we can't afford preschool right now; we're still getting the registration process started (she needs a physical anyway and we have to have her doc fill out some forms) and hoping that it's going to work out that she can go (we had settled on 2 days a week and my aunt and dad were each going to pay a third each month, but right now we can't scrape the $80/mo. together for it.) Bryan and Amy are having a lot of trouble (she ran a fever after the c-section, and James ended up back in the hospital with blood in his stool; after a lot of tests they thought it might be something Amy was eating, like he has Celiac disease or something, and they put her on an elimination diet), but they aren't really telling anyone so we hear about it, with very frustrated overtones, from Jeff's sister Heather, who feels left out because she kind of hears about it more by accident than by inclusion. We feel REALLY left out because if it weren't for her we wouldn't hear about it at all. (What, just because we moved away because that's what we had to do, we don't belong in the family any more?) And then I get all judgmental because I hear this stuff and think "gee, they really need to learn to accept help", not thinking that, well, having a baby is a hard adjustment and we all do it differently and I know Amy has had some of the same problems with our mother-in-law that I have and maybe that's the root of it. *sigh* I really need to stop judging so quickly. I do think they could at least let us know to pray for them, though, but then I have to smack myself because there I go judging again.

I wish I could take a break and just get away for a day, but my mom is insanely busy and a little depressed herself right now-- her boss, who is also one of her best friends, and another of her best friends both have breast cancer. That means, on top of the emotional load, she's shouldering a ton of work that shouldn't be hers right now, even going in Saturdays. And it's tax season so my aunt isn't able to help watch even one of the girls. And, well, I am hesitant to leave the girls with my dad and Sheri until they're older, because my dad can't even remember what they can or can't eat, and their house is the most un-childproof one I've ever been in, and Sheri, for all she loves babies, feels helpless around them, I think. Plus my dad can't understand a word Emma says. It doesn't make me confident leaving the girls with them, even if they WEREN'T busy all the time. So there go our babysitters... Maybe my sister would take them... But even so, Bridey is going through a clingy, separation anxiety phase. *bangs head on wall*

Anyway, I feel frazzled and a little down, and I think everyone in our house does now. I am excited about all the eBaying I get to do lately, though, it's always fun to watch my stuff sell. Kind of thrilling, an adrenaline rush, you know? I have all our neighbor's dresses and stuff up this week and I'm hoping that they'll sell well, for her sake and mine, 'cause I get half the profit... Sadly, anything I make goes into the household account right now (well, what doesn't go back into my eBay business in the form of inventory or shipping supplies) instead of being my "mad money" like it usually is. But that's kind of nice, at least I feel like I'm contributing something. But I still miss my "mad money." All luxuries are now no-nos, except a little treat for Emma now and again when she's been helpful and we have recycling money (my mom and aunt save cans and bottles for us.) My trip to see one of my bestest friends ever, who lives in OK, this summer, is on rocky ground; there's no way if Jeff doesn't get a job in the next month or so I'm going to be able to make it, and I was really, really looking forward to it. *cries*

Well, what are you going to do? That's life. There are good times and rough times, and sometimes you've gotta have the rough. I just hope things cycle up again really soon.