...for me to accept service than to serve others? Well, I know the answer-- pride. But it's still hard to let people serve you, even out of love, sometimes.
I've been having a really bad couple of weeks. I'm on the 17th day of my bleeding, which has progressed from spotting to "soaking an overnight pad every two hours." I was sick for two weeks, and so were the kids; we're just finally getting over it. I haven't been much up to moving around, including cleaning. I'm not the world's greatest housekeeper to begin with; we tend to just about keep our heads above water, vacuuming every week or so, picking up enough to be able to walk, doing enough laundry to have something clean to wear, doing enough dishes to have room to use the sink. When those things don't happen because one or both of us are sick, well, things can get pretty bad pretty fast, since we don't have a lot of leeway. In any case, I have been starting to feel really overwhelmed, seeing as I've been stuck in a bed or chair where I can curl up with a heating pad for several weeks now.
My mom had her day off today. She called and asked how we were doing. She brought burritos and horchata for lunch, and then took a ton of dishes to wash at her house (she has a dishwasher), helped empty the trash in the kitchen, helped me pick up and take out trash from elsewhere, swept and mopped the floor, and did some dishes here. And she brought cookies, too.
I feel bad when she does this. But she never judges me. I know she understands (she's never been the world's most perfect housekeeper, either, and it was worse when we were kids; she's told me before that her mom used to help her out when she was in my situation.) She does it willingly, because she loves us. She's probably the only person I would let do this-- because she's the one person I know won't secretly think that we're awful slobs or incompetent parents or something. But I still feel bad that I can't handle it all (even when I'm both sick and periodizing.) I guess there's no real point to this post except to say that I feel lucky that my mom is around, and loves me, and helps me when I need it, even when I don't tell her I need it.