Friday, February 09, 2007

Why is it so much harder...

...for me to accept service than to serve others? Well, I know the answer-- pride. But it's still hard to let people serve you, even out of love, sometimes.

I've been having a really bad couple of weeks. I'm on the 17th day of my bleeding, which has progressed from spotting to "soaking an overnight pad every two hours." I was sick for two weeks, and so were the kids; we're just finally getting over it. I haven't been much up to moving around, including cleaning. I'm not the world's greatest housekeeper to begin with; we tend to just about keep our heads above water, vacuuming every week or so, picking up enough to be able to walk, doing enough laundry to have something clean to wear, doing enough dishes to have room to use the sink. When those things don't happen because one or both of us are sick, well, things can get pretty bad pretty fast, since we don't have a lot of leeway. In any case, I have been starting to feel really overwhelmed, seeing as I've been stuck in a bed or chair where I can curl up with a heating pad for several weeks now.

My mom had her day off today. She called and asked how we were doing. She brought burritos and horchata for lunch, and then took a ton of dishes to wash at her house (she has a dishwasher), helped empty the trash in the kitchen, helped me pick up and take out trash from elsewhere, swept and mopped the floor, and did some dishes here. And she brought cookies, too.

I feel bad when she does this. But she never judges me. I know she understands (she's never been the world's most perfect housekeeper, either, and it was worse when we were kids; she's told me before that her mom used to help her out when she was in my situation.) She does it willingly, because she loves us. She's probably the only person I would let do this-- because she's the one person I know won't secretly think that we're awful slobs or incompetent parents or something. But I still feel bad that I can't handle it all (even when I'm both sick and periodizing.) I guess there's no real point to this post except to say that I feel lucky that my mom is around, and loves me, and helps me when I need it, even when I don't tell her I need it.

7 comments:

Kira said...

No one could ever think that you and Jeff are anything but the fantastic parents you are. Everyone goes throught these times and you don't have a lot of the tools (dishwasher, washing machine, 2nd car) that many of us take for granted to help you out. Just think, in another couple of years you'll have 2 helpers to get the work done.

Also, I really think it might be time to see your doctor. Seventeen days is much too long to be bleeding (I don't even go that long after hormone treatments). It's a wonder you can get up at all! I'm going to say special prayers for you.

Suzanne said...

It's no fun not having a dishwasher! I didn't have one for the first 5 years we were married and it makes such a big difference.

I hope you're feeling better soon and I agree with the above post that it may be time to see your doctor. Good luck! :)

txmommy said...

no dishwasher!!! no wonder they don't get done.
DOn't feel bad, feel lucky your mom is there to help out. and know that there are many less than spic and span houses out there!

Dawnyel said...

Awww...aren't moms the BEST!?
And yes, I also think you need to see a doctor....*HUGS*

Anne/kq said...

No insurance, no money, so no doctor. Besides, I know what's going on, it's happened before and I'm okay. (It's an early pregnancy loss, as I mentioned earlier.) I know what to watch for, and it's not happening yet. If I get really bad I'll bite the bullet and go to Planned Parenthood (which is the only place I can afford.) But it's not to that point yet.

Awesome Mom said...

Moms are great like that. Maybe some day you can return the favor for your own kiddos. I hope you start feeling better soon.

Carrotjello said...

I feel the same way. I have a hard time accepting help from other people. Someone told me, "There are two types of service. Giving service, and recieving service, we have to remember to do both, not just one" It's still hard to do. ((you)) I understand the no money, no insurance thing too. It stinks.