And that's why this is not a birth announcement post yet. I can't do that right now. All I can do is cry. And get really upset about everything, apparently. (I even threw a fit and just plain refused to leave the hospital in a wheelchair. It makes me feel helpless and I needed to be in control and walk. I just cried and cried and refused and the nurse finally walked me down instead. My mom, who brought me home tonight, was not too pleased with me either. But I just could not add that emotional load on top of everything else I was feeling.)
Maggie has to stay because she needs to lie in the bilibed (which I must admit is much nicer than traditional bililights or biliblankets; it's a brand-new state of the art system they just purchased. She's not thrilled to be in it but at least she's more comfy than she would be in a biliblanket or under old-fashioned lights. I'll give a better description when I post pictures. But being in a really cool bilibed does not make me feel better about leaving my newborn.) Insurance will not cover bililights at home, only their use in the hospital. So she has to stay.
I know it's only a few hours and that she will be well taken care of (she even sleeps better for the nurses in the nursery than for me) but this is just really hard to handle. It feels like one of the hardest, scariest things I've ever done-- even though no one is in danger. How does that make sense? Well, it doesn't. But that's how I feel right now.
I'll post a happier and more informative post when she comes home.