Saturday, April 26, 2008

I'm home and Maggie is not.

And that's why this is not a birth announcement post yet. I can't do that right now. All I can do is cry. And get really upset about everything, apparently. (I even threw a fit and just plain refused to leave the hospital in a wheelchair. It makes me feel helpless and I needed to be in control and walk. I just cried and cried and refused and the nurse finally walked me down instead. My mom, who brought me home tonight, was not too pleased with me either. But I just could not add that emotional load on top of everything else I was feeling.)

Maggie has to stay because she needs to lie in the bilibed (which I must admit is much nicer than traditional bililights or biliblankets; it's a brand-new state of the art system they just purchased. She's not thrilled to be in it but at least she's more comfy than she would be in a biliblanket or under old-fashioned lights. I'll give a better description when I post pictures. But being in a really cool bilibed does not make me feel better about leaving my newborn.) Insurance will not cover bililights at home, only their use in the hospital. So she has to stay.

I know it's only a few hours and that she will be well taken care of (she even sleeps better for the nurses in the nursery than for me) but this is just really hard to handle. It feels like one of the hardest, scariest things I've ever done-- even though no one is in danger. How does that make sense? Well, it doesn't. But that's how I feel right now.

I'll post a happier and more informative post when she comes home.


Awesome Mom said...

Don't feel bad about having such a hard time leaving your precious little one in the hospital. Both times I went home from the hospital with out my babies and it was very hard to endure. Evan was the worst (we did not know about his heart defect until I was released from the hospital so I still thought he was taken from me for something minor) because I had to stay behind for several days and hear people be happy with their little babies while mine was in another hospital in another city.

goody-scrivener said...

Been there, done that, won't bore you with my own bilimess. And yes, it's a terrible feeling to go home without your baby. But it's very short term and will do her a world of good for staying the extra time. Stupid insurance and medical necessity requirements that made them discharge you ahead of Maggie.

Amy said...

I'm so sorry. I had a nervous breakdown myself when I had to leave the hospital without the baby. The worst for me was seeing the other parents being discharged with their newborns in tow. I was hysterical. It really sucks, and I hope little Maggie comes home soon.

happy mommy said...

Congratulations on your sweet new addition. I am sorry that she has had to stay behind, I think any new mommy is going to handle that badly. You want all your little ones near to you and where you can see them...I understand.

Hang in there, and favor us with pictures as soon as you feel up to it!


txmommy said...

Yes, Congratulations! on your sweet new girl. Sorry she has to stay but hopefully she'll be home soon and you will have the peace of mind of having her with you.