Thoughts and prayers appreciated:nearby fire, ward members evac'd

So we went to church yesterday and the chapel looked really empty. In Relief Society I heard why: half the ward had been evacuating their homes because of a wildfire in the Angeles Crest National Forest and nearby Lakeview Terrace.

The fire is only 20% contained and we're having Santa Anas. (Santa Anas are a particular kind of strong, dry wind; they're usually warm but right now they're accompanying colder weather.) The wind is bad enough it's keeping me up tonight and my toddler keeps waking and crying because the winds are howling and rattling so hard.

Apparently yesterday smoke and ash was being blown all the way to Malibu (which, strangely, meant we got no smoke only a few miles away because it was all being blown the other direction.) But anyway, the forest is really beautiful, my friends (and their animals-- the area is zoned for horses as well as chickens, goats, and house pets) have been evacuated, and the Wildlife WayStation animals are caged and ready to be evac'd if necessary. It's scary to me to hear the winds howl, knowing they're fueling and spreading the fire and putting people's homes and firefighters' lives at risk (the lives, of course, being more important than the homes, but the homes not being negligable.)

If you've got a moment, please send good thoughts/vibes/prayers for the brave men and women who are battling this fire, and those who have been displaced, as well as the animals and the forest if you are so inclined. It would mean a lot to me to know that other folks are thinking of our area and our firefighters.

Updates

Thanks so much for all your comments and support on my last post. It was more than I expected. :)

After I posted that I talked to my husband and we agreed on some things. First of all, it's hard for me to remember/find time or energy to eat during the day, and allowing my blood sugar to get low affects my mood, always has. It exacerbates the problems I'm having. He has started asking what I've had to eat or drink and encouraging me to at least drink some juice throughout the day.

Second, after praying for some help and comfort, Monday evening we were at Trader Joe's and though I wasn't planning on getting it, I walked past the soy milk, and stopped. I remembered that when I had really bad PMS when I was in my teens, soy milk and other soy products helped. (Soy contains compounds that mimic estrogen and in some women can affect hormone levels and the way we feel. I've always been very responsive.) I don't like most soy stuff but Trader Joe's chocolate soy milk is the only kind I'll drink. I felt an urge to try it. I drank two cups that day and by the morning was feeling somewhat better. Not completely better but life was more bearable. And it corrected another post-partum problem I've been having (which I won't go into right now because that WOULD be TMI. ;) ) I continued drinking it today. Tonight we dropped by and picked up more soy milk and I'm going to make a real effort to consume at least 2 servings of soy a day.

So things are looking up a little bit. Thanks for your love. Continued prayers would be wonderful. :)

In a very happy update, Emma has continued to both pee AND poop in the potty exclusively. We have had no more accidents and I'm ready to call her trained! Yay! Even if she has an accident here and there it's looking like that will be an anomaly, not the norm. I am so glad that after two and a half years of trying to get her to go, she is finally done!!! She now doesn't even use her potty seat except when we're out in public in places with filthy toilets, in which case she uses the folding one (because I make her.) She does everything herself and flushes (except the loud public ones, she has me flush those) and washes her hands by herself. She is very proud that she can "do it like a grownup." AND, Bridey is following her lead!!! Bridey has, in the past three or four days, pulled off her training pants, put on the potty seat, climbed up, and peed in the potty, then called, "I did it! I potty!" until we come and find that she did, indeed, pee in the potty and wipe (and praise) her. We are going through reward stickers like crazy and I could care less! (I got a book of 1,250 small reward stickers for $1; they didn't like the chart but they like to be given a sticker or two and wear them on their hands, and can be bribed into all sorts of good behavior with them.)

Oh, and Jaden has asked that we wait until the Britax sale and get her the Madison Regent because she'd rather wait a few weeks and get the pink one right away. Okay. :) Further update on that when I buy it.

We went to Once Upon a Child today to check out their summer clearance. The clearance was picked over but I did end up with a pair of leggings each for Ems and Bridey, a t-shirt for Maggie ("Got Milk?"), and a pretty church dress for Ems. Oh, and a new kind of sippy cup for Maggie. :) (She's been occasionally having a sippy of expressed milk when I want to take a bath or something. We're hoping to get her nice and used to it so by the time she's six months she can take some watered-down juice and be left for short periods with my aunt or mom while we go on a date. If I'm up to leaving her by then, that is. I do still have nightmares about her being taken from me and start to panic if she's out of my earshot/sight for too long. But hopefully that will be better by then.)

I guess I don't talk about this much.

But I know you will not mind. (No TMI, I promise!)

I think I may have some PPD.

I've had a great weekend. The music was fun, mostly (don't get me started on my altercation with the lady who works there-- okay, not altercation, that's too strong a word, but I was not happy with our interaction), despite the hotel experience (they told us they'd have a crib and then they didn't; we hadn't brought the port-a-crib after being told they'd have one; Bridey didn't sleep until almost 5 AM-- it was La Quinta Costa Mesa, if you want to know), we had fun at IKEA and a good time at the wedding (though Emma freaked out at the sparklers-- which are illegal, BTW, which I was rather surprised no one seemed to know about, and we were RIGHT across the street from a state park, during fire season), a new nursing dress I bought on eBay was waiting for me when we got home, it was all around a fun few days. But I've been snappish, sad, yelling, crying, when we were driving home I had this crazy urge in the tunnel to just open the door and roll out into traffic. It was kind of scary. Jeff took Maggie to burp her while I was asleep and I woke up in a panic because she was gone. I am extremely anxious when separated from her (though I'm getting better about letting others hold her and not holding her ALL the time.)

Please don't suggest drugs. I'm not going to take them. Please don't suggest counselling either. I don't trust therapists. Both these issues stem from my experience with medication and therapists as a teen, which I don't want to talk about, but I may share privately if you ever really have to know. Suffice it to say, it's not going to happen. It's like my thing with female doctors. Just not going to happen. (Not that I could afford it if I wanted it, with no insurance. But since I don't, it's moot.)

I was like this when I was pregnant with Emma. I got over it as the hormones changed. It never happened with Bridey, at least not that I remember; okay, maybe a few days when she was a few months old. That was it. But this started when I was separated from Maggie and has persisted since then. It doesn't help that my hormones aren't back to normal yet. I've got a good few months to go, judging by past experience.

If you are a praying person, I'd love your prayers. I feel detatched and isolated even as I'm more involved than I've ever been in a host of things. Life goes by so fast and I sometimes just feel like it's passing me by. I hate this. I hope it passes soon.

And I don't know why I'm even writing this. I just am. And it doesn't help. Prayer helps while I'm praying, and for a little while afterward, but not all day. And I feel so tired I don't even want to pray. Ditto everything else that usually makes me feel better. I'm stress eating, which just makes things worse. I should probably watch that. But I don't even care.

I want to escape. I just want to go watch the waves roll into nothing and then sleep and not listen to any whining and screaming and just sleep.

I guess I sound pretty depressed, huh? Sorry. Didn't mean to bring you all down...

I really do have fun. This weekend was fun, lots of it. Next Saturday we're having a poop party because Emma finally pooped in the toilet three times in a row with no accidents. (Who's coming? My mom. Who else? No one, because all she wants is my mom and a pinata, go figure. Well, that's fine, makes things easy...) Everything is fun. But the fun never lasts, and in between I'm just... bleh.

I want to sleep now. I'm tired. But I can't sleep and probably won't. Again. Oh, well. That's okay. It's not like I have anything to do tomorrow...

Please pray-- scary time for my family as fires threaten

As we celebrated, Goleta, where I have family, was on fire today.

The news as of this past afternoon:

My second cousin, once removed, and his wife have been evacuated. My second cousin and his family (other cousin's father, this is my dad's father, evacuated cousin is his son) are on the street that is the boundary between evacuated and non-evacuated homes. One block over, their neighbors are gone, and the car is packed in case they have to leave at any moment. My great-aunt is less than a mile from them.

I know things are just that, things, but memories are precious in a place where you raised a family, and even if things can be saved or replaced, the stress of losing or nearly losing them is always hard. Please, pray for my family, for their safety and well-being. Pray for the city. Pray for rain, for the heat to break and the fires to be contained, for no lives to be lost and for property and the memories that go with it to be saved. Pray for the firefighters and other emergency workers who bravely battle for the property of others. Thank you.

I just talked to my aunt.

My Uncle Bob has been sick for a while. They haven't figured out what has been wrong with him. Last night they got a tentative diagnosis of Lou Gehrig's Disease (ALS.) This is really bad.

They're still waiting on some more tests. It is not a definitive diagnosis yet. I would really appreciate everyone's prayers, for some kind of miracle that it is NOT ALS, for him to have a long and healthy life even if it is, just for him to be well, for his doctors to figure out what to do for him, and for my family in general.

Uncle Bob is really special to everyone who knows him. He has been a Catholic school teacher for many years (interspersed with some principaling and some consulting.) He has touched the lives of his students and their families as well as our family in so many ways. He is just one of the most wonderful people I know and we are not ready to accept this diagnosis until it is definite.

Please, any prayers you have for him and for us are much appreciated. His name is Bob Grossi. Thanks.

Kira and Aerin need your prayers

My friend Kira's daughter Aerin needs surgery on her hemangioma. They discussed it last year but it was put off to see if it would get any better and allow Aerin time to grow and gain some weight. Kira is having a really rough time emotionally right now, she's scared (rightly so! Surgery on your baby is scary!) and needs comfort, love, and support. She and her husband Andrew are just wonderful parents, they're a wonderful family, Aerin is so sweet and cute, and it's a miracle she's even in the world with us. So if you could all send your prayers and good wishes to Kira, Aerin, and also Andrew, who I don't hear as much from but who must also be anxious, you know how it is with daddies, they have to feel as much as moms but feel they must be the strong ones, it would be a good thing. We love them so much and we want Kira to know we are always with her and praying for her and thinking of her and her family.