Late-night Vent

I am having a grumpy day. I know this is probably my fault, but it's my blog and I'll vent if I want to. (WARNING: COMPLETELY UNRIGHTEOUS GRUMPING AND COMPLAINING AND WHINING AHEAD.)

I have blisters on my hands from untangling my hair last night. I'm shedding, and it was pretty awful. It took about two hours of washing, conditioning, combing, conditioning, untangling, conditioning, untangling, conditioning, and untangling before it was braid-able. I weighed the hair I lost (what didn't go down the drains despite my best efforts); about 4 ounces. My head feels lighter, but my neck hurts from the tugging.

Testimony meeting this morning was okay, but I didn't get to enjoy it much because both the girls were grumpy. And hyper. At the same time.

In Relief Society, we had a lesson about Relief Society. And how wonderful it is. Whatever. I was just not in the mood. After a wonderful SS lesson (the high point of church today; I wished it could have gone on for two more hours) I just wanted to keep that good feeling going after my grumpiness from not getting to enjoy testimonies. I might have tolerated it some weeks, but this week I sat in the back and made snarky comments to a sister who knows how I get and loves me anyway. She had the good grace to giggle and try to cheer me up.

Also, during SS and RS my hands kept turning purple and red and white and blotchy and I was getting dizzy and seeing funny visual things. I thought I was over that. Apparently not.

Jeff had gone home during SS to put Bridget down for a nap, so I had to call him to make him come back (I had baby clothes in the car to give to someone, and he has an after-church calling, and I needed to go to choir.) It didn't make much difference. I only got to do about a third of choir anyway because the girls were so grumpy and clingy and because Jeff was busy in the clerk's office I couldn't just have him watch them. A sweet Mia Maid I know watched Bridey for about half an hour, and I actually got 15 minutes in, but then Ems started acting up and I had to take her out so as not to disrupt the entire choir practice. By that time Bridget was screaming, too, and I had to hold both of them because if I put one of them down the crying would start again.

We got home and I didn't feel like cooking dinner. But I had promised and we didn't have enough leftovers in the fridge for everyone to eat, so I made cheeseburgers. And oversalted them. At least our new dishwasher works really well so I don't have to do the dishes.

In RS today they announced a joint baby shower for two of my friends (sisters-in-law, due a month apart, one with twins), and the woman in front of me said, "I hope it's not at so and so's house (one of the pregnant women), it's so small and a ton of people always turn up for a Saturday baby shower, it will be so crowded." That ticked me off. We can't all afford rich fancy big houses, and what a thing to criticize for! I'm sure she didn't mean anyone but her friend to hear, but I did, and it just added to my bad mood. And whoever scheduled the shower did it on General Conference weekend, how much sense does that make? Not much. I think it might be between the sessions, but still.

Emma is still awake. Again. Her schedule is all out of whack.

And she's afraid of the toilet and no amount of Mr. Rogers book reading will get her over it and I am SO SICK of changing her nasty diapers (she's a big fruit eater and often has a virus, to boot.) She doesn't like diaper changes, either, unless it's really bad she runs away and screams when you change her. I have tried to explain that the way to avoid this is to do it in the toilet but that just makes her madder. I know I have to wait until she's ready but I'm just fed up tonight.

And sometimes I am just so sick of living where we do and like we do and not having a car (I don't think I even remember how to drive, it's been so long) and our dumb landlord and one bathroom and no washer and just... Everything. And then I feel REALLY guilty because I know there are SO MANY people who have less than we do, in fact I've been one of them, and I know we are so blessed because the Lord has always provided for us, often with help from friends, family, neighbors, and because I must be a horrible person to be so covetous but it's hard not to WANT. *sigh*

I'm also sick of my insomnia and sleep disturbances and difficulties. And being sick. And tired. And ugly and fat and horrible.

And I miss my friends. I'm surrounded by friends, but not, you know, my soul sisters. And I am lonely for them and they live so far away and I wish I could visit right now but I have to wait.

There. That feels somewhat better. Sorry about that.