Why am I writing this?

I honestly don't know.

I felt like I should write on my blog tonight. (It's been more than a month... again. Maybe I'm guilting myself, lol.)

Life goes on. We've had hot weather and icky colds. I went through a week of horrible side effects as I took the first step down on my dose of antidepressant (it turns out the one I'm on- which worked wonders for me when I needed it- is one of the absolute worst drugs to get off of. Horrible withdrawl.) I had such a bad migraine Thursday that my sister and mom took the kids for a few hours so I could try to sleep it off.

The week before that, we went to the beach with "Grandma Sheri." I stayed on the pier... I hate the beach. The kids loved it, until it was time to clean the sand off-- ick! And then they of course didn't want to go home, but we rode the Beach Bus and, well, didn't want to have to walk! ;)

Two weeks before that was our adventure in Hawaii. I feel like that should have its own post... but it probably won't! My album of Hawaii pics on Facebook is kind of a photojournal though if you're interested. I was really glad to get to spend a few days getting to know Mike, my friend Yvette's beloved, for a few days. He's really, really, really great. He reminds me of Jeff- can there be higher praise for a man? ;)

Overall, right now, my life feels... strange to me sometimes, but mostly good. I find it funny how after going through such a low place when we lost our Becky, I seem to have come out higher than I started. I feel better about myself. I feel better about my other kids. I feel better about being alive. I don't even know what to call that... it's just where I am. I almost feel like I should feel guilty for feeling that I am blessed by losing my daughter. But I'm not... I'm just blessed. I know that she loves me and that she knows I love her. I think I'm beginning to feel like she's here to bless my life- just away right now. And it will be a while til I see her but I know that's ok, she's in good hands...

It's hard to be reminded of her when it's not on my terms, though, still. I like to look at her pictures, sing songs she liked, touch what I've kept of her little clothes and the things that were lovingly made for her. But then they went and named a hurricane her middle name, the name I gave her because it symbolized such joy for me... Let's just say I'm not reading the news much right now.

It's so crazy to think that Bridget is a "kindergartener" this year. (She's 5... So she's not officially on the school paperwork, but she'll probably be learning to read some time in the next 9 months or so.) Maggie doesn't look at all like a baby any more. She definitely looks toddlerish. And Emma comes up with things that... Well, they remind me of me at her age, only deeper. 'Nuff said. :p

I still don't have the energy I want to. (Cannot WAIT to get off the BCP- found out when I took a week off in HI that it's causing a lot of this energy lag, etc.) My house is not clean (and, uh, probably never will be. :/ ) I'm not doing as much cooking as I should. But, I think I like our life, even as I think what it could have been... I like it. It's a good life. It's the best one we can make right now and so... it's good.

I don't really know what else to write. I think I'm out of things to say. Now THAT is an unusual occurrence!

Gosh, it's been a long time...

...since I posted. About 1/3 of a year.

I keep meaning to, and then not...

What's up?

We've moved. To a house. We are loving it. Lost a pool but gained a backyard, extra bedroom (used as playroom/tv room/guestroom) and washer/dryer. Plus clothesline. Totally worth it.

Maggie has started reacting to soy through breastmilk (yes I'm still nursing her) as well as in her regular diet. So she and I are both 100% soy-free. Thankfully I've found more soy-free foods-- even tater tots, and fast food, when we want junk. ;) Also graham crackers, saltines, etc.

Jeff's work is going GREAT. He even gets home before 10 most nights even though it's tax season. And he gets along SO WELL with his boss. He's realized that his boss being from the South makes a difference-- he "gets" Jeff's attitude (which is kind of more laid-back and externally calm than most people out here are used to.)

I'm doing a lot more CPST work. USA Baby in Burbank has my cards and I get a lot of calls and occasional e-mails. I also do the occasional presentation/lecture/Q&A session there. Loving it. Sometimes since we're in tax season I do checks in our garage (oh yes, we also have a 2 car garage, though currently 1 car's worth is full of, um, stuff we haven't unpacked and my car seat collection) and that is great for me, adult interaction is wonderful.

We keep getting sick but I think we're finally on the upswing. Dratted colds.

I got a new stroller, Mountain Buggy Urban Double. After a period of panic even though I got it at a great price because it wasn't love at first push, I've begun to really appreciate it. We can still walk to the park and store when we want to and even down to Arnie's Cafe or my dad's. It's great to have a really easy-to-push stroller for that kind of stuff. I do recommend it if you're in the market for an all-terrain stroller; it has it's downfalls but it really does push like a dream. Definitely one to consider.

Emma has booster-trained, though she sometimes still wants to ride in a harness. She and Bridey have both passed 40 lbs. now and we still haven't had the money to get a Radian 80SL or XTSL so they have to forward-face. Maggie is 36 lbs. and rear-facing. As she approaches 40 we WILL find the money for a higher-weight rear-facing seat, because I will NOT turn her so young!

Emma got 3 teeth extracted. Her permanent teeth are coming in behind instead of below, and so won't push the baby teeth out, but the baby teeth get in the way. So they have to be pulled. Jeff had the same thing. She also lost a front tooth naturally. So now she's all gappy and impish-looking. It's cute and strange at the same time. Definitely makes her look older.

I've been on the compy a lot less because there is so much more to keep up with! But, the house is staying in reasonable condition. So much so in fact, that we are hosting Easter dinner and egg hunt this year, for my mom's family and some of our friends. Lots to plan, followed by 2 birthday parties (a "Ladybugs' Picnic" and a "Luau." Fun!)

Emma is reading really well. About second-grade level stuff now. We've pulled back on writing for now. Once she's an independent reader at a 2nd or 3rd grade level, we'll focus on writing. Then math. I aim to have no more than 15 minutes of sit-down "work" a day right now, and lots of outside running around and playing. Since we moved here our grocery bill has about tripled because the children EAT ALL THE TIME. They have also grown like weeds. I'm counting this as a good thing.

As you can see I still have a weird sleep schedule. Sometimes I can sleep, sometimes I can't... It's usually better but every once in a while I have one of these weird nights when I'm just not able to sleep no matter how exhausted.

So, that's it. And hopefully I'll come back to blogging in the next few months, I think it's nice to get everything spit out on the screen. Cathartic, kind of. ;)

A Five Year Old Brain and Sound Symbols

Emma is learning to read using Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. We've started and stopped several times since she was 4 1/2 or so. This time we haven't had to take a lot of breaks or repeat lessons. We do about 4-5 lessons in a week, one a day (so most days we have one.) (Bridey is allowed to do reading if she wants to but only if she asks, which so far is about once every 2 weeks. She does well when we do them though! I ask Emma if she's ready for reading most days. Most days she says "Yes" but if she says "No" I don't force her. Some days she brings me the book eager to do it at that time, so we do it then.)

She's at the point (lesson 16) where I can see things really beginning to click in her mind. She's starting to really get the concept of "sound it out"-- say the sounds on the page without stopping, and they are strung together into words! Amazing! Her face lights up when she comprehends that she just read a word all on her own. Having seen when her brain wasn't quite ready for it, and seeing how quickly the lights turn on, so to speak, when she is ready, it's amazing to think about the capacity of a human brain to make symbols for language and learn to interpret them.

I mean, language in itself is amazing. We not only have the physical ability to make sounds, but to express complex thought through a series of them strung together and assigned a meaning-- and once we start learning the meaning of these sounds we have an almost unlimited capacity to learn more. Learning a new set of sounds (another language) is more tricky, but the younger we do it the better we are at it.

And we've learned to make written symbols for these sound-symbols. Having worked a bit with adults who did not learn to read as children, and watching a child in the prime learning-to-read age, children have it so much easier! The quickness with which the connections are formed and the interest in forming them seem to come together at this time in a conjunction that is very fruitful-- she learns the lesson and it really changes her whole though pattern, without her consciously re-training it, just by repeating what I say and playing these little "games" with me.

I don't remember learning to read, really. By the time I was 4 I was sounding out words, by kindergarten I was immediately placed in the highest reading group-- the kids who came in already reading, or very close to it. So I don't really remember this wonder, this lighting up of the whole being at being able to read. But it's great to watch it in her. It's marvelous, in fact. It really cements my happiness that I chose to be the one to do this with her, not send her away from me to have someone else do it. I'm loving seeing her make connections and learn things every day. I can't wait until she's a strong enough reader to read books on her own and come to me and discuss what she read in them-- comprehending these little symbols really does open up the whole world of stories, thoughts, and ideas. I am, in fact, thrilled to have front-row tickets to watch her journey.

First day of dance class

Emma had her first day of dance class today. There were only 2 students in her class today (including her.) One more is signed up but wasn't there today. Her teacher is very sweet. She didn't listen as well as she could have during the first part of the class (ballet), except when they got to wave ribbons around, but she really seemed to enjoy the second part of the class (tap.) She is way more into tap than ballet, well, I already knew that... She really wants to do Irish dance still, we'll see if she gets better at following directions! Here are some pictures from today:


This is Emma ready to go, dressed and hair carefully pulled up and clipped out of her face. (Bridey ran in as I was taking the picture.) Note the little backpack; she used to carry her clothes and Pull-Ups to preschool (and papers and used clothes home) in that, now it holds her dance shoes (and during the week her dance clothes, which she is wearing in this pic. The t-shirt comes with the yearly registration fee, and the pants she picked out herself, at Target.)

Here she is waiting for the teacher. There's a little area outside her classroom (the little ones are in the smallest classroom.) They have water dispensers which were a BIG hit with both girls. Here you can see her ballet shoes (kind of.)

This picture (and the others that look like it) are poorer quality because they're shots of the tv monitor that parents can view the class on CCTV on. Here you can see Emma not quite cooperating with the stretching...

Here's Bridey, she wanted her picture taken while Emma was in class. She played with Maggie, ran around, and later I got her a coloring book and crayons (which they keep in the main waiting area) and she colored Cookie Monster blue, all on her own, with no prompting and very carefully.

Here Emma is starting to get into it a little more, and is at least attempting the arms over the head. The other little girl who was in her class is a few months older than her, but has been taking ballet at The Little Gym for a year so was more experienced with the ballet they did.

This was the only part of the ballet portion of the class Em really seemed to like a lot, you can see her getting into waving the ribbons:

...and not listening when told it's time to go put them away, and going running off to the side and keeping on dancing with them instead!

After a water break and changing shoes, they started tap, which Emma enjoyed more. Unfortunately Maggie was fussing at that point and I don't have as many pictures. But here is Emma watching intently what to do with her feet...

...and enthusiastically copying it!

Here is Emma and her classmate, it was a bit of a trick to get them both smiling at the same time, as the little girl's one year old brother had spilled water on Emma and so she was having a sensory fit, and the girl did not know me and was a bit hesitant to smile for a stranger's camera.

So that was the dance class, it went as well as I had expected and I think as Emma gets more used to the teacher and the setting, she will do better and will be more willing to try things and follow directions. I'm really glad we enrolled her. Now, Bridey kept trying to run in and dance, too... She even tried to put on a pair of tap shoes someone had left in the cubbies in the waiting area! They have one class a week for kiddoes her age, I suppose we will have to consider enrolling her. (But it's in the morning. When she's usually asleep. Not that she wouldn't leap out of her crib joyfully to go dance...) Anyway, we're considering it!

All of our homeschool stuff is getting into swing... Emma's writing stuff is on the way and our reading book has arrived (though I decided not to start it until we can do writing and reading together, that should be next week, after we tried one lesson.) This is our important social event of the week as well as P.E. So I guess you could say we have officially started homeschooling even though so far it's just dance class! Yippee!